Dear Abby: I recently hosted my husband’s birthday. It was a great party. I booked him for 85 people including the DJ, his assistant, party planner and his staff. On the day of the event, 20% of his guests who RSVP did not show up. One couple said their two daughters had a debut party that night. Another family said their son had gone out. Some people have legitimate reasons, such as being sick or having a house fire.
I gave my guests enough time to RSVP. I sent save-the-date cards 4 months before the event, her invitations 2 months before the event, and the RSVP deadline for him 2 weeks before the event. I extended the invitation so other adults and children could come to the party as well. I was too generous. Don’t discount families who have signed up for a certain number of people and then decide not to attend for another event, without considering the additional costs for each person and planning for meals, seating charts, etc. I think it’s rude.
How can I tell you that I could have deleted it and saved you hundreds of dollars if you had told me upfront? Or should I? — A generous host from Texas
Dear host: If I thought this preaching to fools was effective, I would say go ahead and do whatever comes to mind. However, a more effective and less confrontational way to avoid future headaches is to simply remove them from your guest list.
Dear Abby: My sister-in-law is a wonderful woman, generous, and has a great heart. Her husband, her husband’s younger brother, is a kind and gentle person who works hard to support her family. They do a lot for the community and seem to spend every second of their day doing something.
But whenever I’m with my SIL, she never fails to complain about the things her husband lacks. Sometimes she does it in front of him. She is uncomfortable because she doesn’t want him to think I agree with her. In most cases, the problems are minimal. Example: The house is never clean enough. Or he won’t do her XYZ to help her. (To me, it looks like he’s doing a lot.) She always says she does “everything herself.”
I’m not the confrontational type and I really enjoy her and don’t want to cause problems in our relationship because I’m scared of the repercussions of “going there”. But enough is enough. I don’t want to have one-on-one conversations because I get scared or find them tiring. How should I deal with this? – Zero tolerance
Dear Zero Tolerance: Ask your sister-in-law to stop complaining. Because if she complains, you will be uncomfortable. Then, when she starts talking again, change her topic to something else. You can talk about cooking, gardening, or even politics or religion if you think it would distract her. Good luck.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
