When you think of epic beards, who comes to mind?
When we think of the man with the strongest and most sophisticated beard in history, we think of Ernest Hemingway, who would have been unable to defend masculinity in the 20th century without it.
But there are also notable runners-up. Would Abraham Lincoln have been able to free the slaves and save the Union without his bushy black beard? Well, you could argue that the top hat was more important. Magnificent beards gave Dumbledore and Gandalf the strength to overcome the darkness of their world. A baby-faced Da Vinci would have been too blushing to draw the Vitruvian Man, and Zeus would never have been able to harness the power of lightning. Even Karl Marx could not have launched the bloodiest revolution in world history without his madman’s cunning beard.
So when former Daily Caller contributor Chris Bartman pointed out what Trump would look like if he grew a beard, I tried my best not to scream like Gerard Butler in the movie “300.”
If Trump grows a beard, it’s game over for liberals pic.twitter.com/RIM56iP4uQ
— Chris Bartman (@manofbert) May 28, 2024
A bearded Trump is the Democrats’ nightmares. He tails them with his meticulously trimmed beard and perfectly salted and peppered. Like Thanos, he can destroy them at a whim with a snap of his fingers. He is in control, and he knows it, and they know it.
A bearded Trump will take office and fire every single woke bureaucrat. They will beg Trump for forgiveness. The Deep State will comply and start targeting real domestic enemies like Antifa and public school teachers who abuse children. China will be totally subjugated. We will build military bases all over the country and set up a transitional government in Beijing headed by the newly released Peter Navarro.
No, bearded Trump may continue as president for a third term… if the people want it, of course.
