The “moderate parents” say they don't force their 5-year-old son to say he's sorry because he's “disincentive,” and he says he taught him to “hold empathy” and convey his feelings .
34-year-old Kelly Medina Enos looked at calm parenting when he hit her with his son George and his 18-month-old son.
Mom turned to Tiktok and shared her concerns, while strangers recommended that she saw her child-rearing calm. This is a style that focuses on empathy, respect and understanding.
Kelly initially felt “silly” but after investigating, she began to give it a try. I dropped “don't” from her vocabulary and told George what he wanted to do in his place.
She also stopped forcing him to apologize and instead guided George to take a step back and see what happened in the situation.
Kelly doesn't force isolation like “naughty steps” or “timeouts,” but offers an option to “serene horns” if he wants on his own.
She is now the mother of her 14 month old daughter, Ariella, and she has also started to become a parent calmly. He teaches her baby sign language so that she can tell if she wants more food and drinks.
“We've got a lot of effort into raising children,” said Kelly, a certified gentle parenting coach from York, North Yorkshire.
“Children do not develop empathy until they are around 11 years old.
“Expecting your child to empathize is a skill they have learned.
“If you say, 'I'm sorry I went,' you say you snatched a toy, and that's what you're forced to do.
“You can see that the child hasn't taken a step back. Instead – “What happened here? “How do you think the person feels?” “What can we say Do you have it?”
“If not, it's dishonest.
“I'm sorry, but it doesn't mean there's a difference in telling them what to do.
“We still lead them.
“We're teaching our kids how to improve next time.”
Kelly said he was struggling with George when he was 18 months old and “had no parenting style.”
She said: “He started smacking me and hit me.
“I was like, 'What am I going to do?' ”
Kelly posted on her Tiktok account and commented that a stranger would ask if she saw her child-rearing calm.
She said:
“I thought it was a bit ridiculous.”
However, Kelly felt “very lost” and wanted to “try anything” to help her.
She started by trying to switch vocabulary.
She said: “Climbing was a big thing for me. George was climbing everything. I was saying 'Down' and it didn't seem to land at all.
“I started saying, 'Please give me your feet on the floor.' I was surprised by the difference by changing the way I was talking to him, rather than telling him what I didn't want.
“I started to remove the word “don't.” I was still disciplined.
“I told him what I wanted him to do.”
She currently uses phrases like “hands off” whenever possible, rather than “not touching” or “no.”
Kelly also says he learned to stop forcing George to say sorry, and helped him understand empathy despite his younger age.
She said:
“He can go home with great frustration, I hold him and he collapses.
“He would say he had a bad day and off-roaded.
“If I didn't allow him to feel him in his room, would it be a naughty step or a timeout that opened up to me?”
Kelly does not use “forced isolation” with her children.
She said:
“They learn that they have no voices and their emotions don’t matter.
“In a timeout, the child is told, 'Sit down and think about what you did.' The child doesn't think about how they managed it better.
“They learn: 'I am considered lovable because I need to get rid of my feelings of frustration and anger.'
“We're leaving the forced quarantine, but I'm going to be the corner of calm that I offer George.
“I ask him, 'Do you want to have a calm corner for a while?'
“It has a book and a breathing board, it's a pointless corner.
“That's an option.”
Through her own parenting journey, Kelly decided to become a parenting coach and qualified in September 2024.
As part of her course, she had to be a number of self-craftsmen.
She said: “I really struggled because of the way I grew up. There were lots of screams.
“It was distilled to me.
“I cried out quite often.
“I was thinking about expecting so many Georges.
“I said loudly 'Why does he act like such a child?”
“He was pulling out all the baby wipes.
“I remember being frustrated.
“Along with Ariella, I think I'll just 'get them back.' ”
Kelly has already begun to raise a gentle parenting with Ariella by teaching her baby sign language so that she can communicate.
She said: “We started signing baby with her.
“It's about reducing that frustration.
“Ariella can communicate when she wants more food.
“After one meal, she wants more.
“What about our relationship if we don't know how to communicate whether she wants more food?”
Kelly says that mild parents are often confused with tolerant parenting. Parents seek peace, avoid boundary control, and allow their children to control.
She says she's not a “perfect parent,” but still places boundaries with her children.
She said: “No one will scream.
“No one does it right every day all day.
“Careful parenting is when you want connections, even when you're revising your child.
“We have space for greater emotions and give fundamental lessons without being criticized or embarrassed.
“People say it is an easy way, perhaps the most difficult form of parenting.
“I hope people will change that before they make snap decisions.”
