Dear Abby: I’ve been married for almost two decades, and we lived together for three years before tying the knot. How does one cope with a narcissistic husband? I’m really growing weary of the constant manipulation. It often feels like he stirs up fights and somehow makes it seem like it’s my fault.
What frustrates me the most is his “punishments.” He’ll give me the silent treatment for weeks or even months. Occasionally, he comes from a rough background, and it seems that when I try to discuss his behavior, it doesn’t hit home. I suggested therapy once, and he brushed it off like it was nothing.
The latest incident was when he texted one of my friends, saying he was being abusive and that the police were at our home asking questions. My friends know we’ve had arguments, but abuse? That’s a whole different ballpark. The day after, I called the police, but they weren’t ever at our house, of course. I’m so furious that I haven’t spoken to him in over two months. I’m seriously at a loss for what to do. I hope you can give me some guidance. – Silenced in Canada
Dear Silenced: It’s clear your husband isn’t just narcissistic—he’s emotionally abusive and, frankly, sadistic. It’s concerning that you’ve put up with his behavior for so long. What you need isn’t help for him; it’s support for yourself. A licensed marriage and family therapist could help you understand his dysfunctionality and empower you to seek the life you deserve.
Dear Abby: I recently visited a close friend named Lois at her villa. We used to enjoy spending more time there, but the smell in her home has become unbearable. Over the years, it’s only gotten worse. Now, we’re cutting visits short and even avoiding overnight stays.
Lois has at least one indoor dog that goes outside to do its business, but they also go everywhere inside. Honestly, her ability to clean up after them has declined. We’ve hesitated to tell her the real reason behind our shorter visits, especially since her husband just passed away. It feels wrong to bring it up, but if you think we should, how do we even approach it without hurting her feelings? – Concerned from the South
Dear Concerned: In the case of Lois, honesty is key. Tell her why you no longer visit as frequently. She likely isn’t aware of how the smell affects others, and it’s important for her health, too. Offer your support to help her find a cleaner or get the place organized. She’ll appreciate your honesty if it comes from a place of caring.
