Dear Abby: I’m a 41 year old gay man. I grew up in a conservative and religious household, but I’m proud to have come out of the closet and be myself. For most of my adult life, I have primarily attracted women. I have always tried to handle these situations as tactfully as possible. However, some women do not betray easily.
Sometimes I lose female acquaintances that I really enjoyed spending time with, or friendships start to deteriorate when I have to push myself out to them. I’ve even introduced them to straight male friends and tried to dodge some flirtatious banter. Am I confused or are there some women out there who truly believe they can change my direction? I don’t want to give up on female friendships. Am I doing something wrong by being who I am? — Out & Pride in the West
Dear & Proud: A woman who is pursuing you for romantic purposes may be interested in you for those reasons and is less interested in a platonic friendship. Years ago, a gay friend kindly told me that you can’t ‘change’ gay men, and that was a lesson I’ll never forget. “Out” gay men can make great friends.
If your female acquaintances do not accept it, it is their loss. you didn’t do anything wrong. If this happens, let the other person know that you’re sorry they can’t seem to accept you. your presence, And then move on. Not all women are this unenlightened, and many will welcome what you have to offer.
Dear Abby: I live in Chicago, and the spring and summer months are slowly getting shorter to three months. I know we can’t do anything about the weather, but invitations to graduations and birthday parties on Saturday have consumed much of our long-awaited summer weekends.
As someone who works full-time Monday through Friday, I look forward to the weekends, especially in the summer, but I keep getting invited to Saturday afternoon celebrations. I own a lake house. Some of my neighbors have boats, so I like to spend most of my weekends there. As much as I want to celebrate these life events, I also want to enjoy summer. If they held it on a Sunday, it wouldn’t interfere with the weekend too much. What is your advice? — Lover of Illinois’ warm climate
For those who love warm weather: There’s good news and bad news. First, the bad news. It is unrealistic to expect schools to schedule graduation ceremonies around students’ schedules. The good news is that sending a nice gift to a graduate can help ease the pain of their absence. When it comes to family celebrations, you need to make some important decisions about which invitations you should accept to avoid hurt feelings.
But my advice is essentially the same. I sent you a lovely gift and a warm message of congratulations, and I regret that “due to prior commitments” I will not be able to participate in the joyful occasion.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
