I am a 63 year old woman married to a man whom I love and find extremely attractive. I enjoy vaginal penetration but am not a fan of foreplay. Touching my breasts makes me anxious and does not particularly arouse me. Clitoral stimulation is almost unbearable. Finger insertion It’s been off the menu for a long time.with a lot of patience and discussion I am now starting to enjoy it again.
I have undergone a lot of therapy to get through some very unpleasant sexual experiences. young my My libido was strong and less inhibited. Now that I’m postmenopausal, my hormonal libido has waned and the ghosts and inhibitions of the past have resurfaced. How can I enjoy a wider range of non-penetrative sexual activities?
It’s natural to miss the sensations of your youth. You might imagine that your libido has diminished, but on the contrary, you may only now be beginning to experience authentic pleasure in your own way. Sex may not seem as powerful as it once was, but it’s definitely no longer the product of traumatic experiences, which makes it ever-precious.
Lower your expectations of greater sexual expression and focus only on giving and receiving pleasure in the present moment. Practice being fully aware of your partner and clearly communicate what really feels good for you and what doesn’t. Make sure you prioritize your own pleasure instead of trying to please him, and make sure he understands that this is very important to you. Sex isn’t something you have to “do well” or achieve in a big way. Listen to your true desires and act on them. Don’t hold back on things you don’t like, and remember that it’s okay to say “no!”
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders.
