Column on Relationship Struggles

Dear Abby: My husband, Seth, who has been retired for 15 years, is pushing me towards divorce. He has become very negative and abusive, which has strained his friendships and family ties. He drinks almost all day—though I drink too—and often says hurtful things that I never want to hear again. He also disregards my sleep needs, even though I still work. Seth thinks his behavior is funny, but it only escalates arguments, especially since he speaks in soft tones due to his deafness.

I love him, but I feel like he’s crushing my spirit. I used to be independent and capable, but now it feels like I’m on eggshells. Some days, I truly dread coming home. I want to find a way to escape. What’s your advice? — End of my rope in Idaho

Dear “The End”: Consider visiting Al-Anon at al-anon.org/info to locate nearby meetings. If you’re in a tough spot, make it clear that you can’t tolerate his behavior anymore. When he’s a bit sober, tell him plainly that if he continues drinking, your marriage will end. Focus on saving yourself; you deserve that.

Dear Abby: My ex-husband was once my best friend. We shared everything: dreams, laughter, and struggles. I thought we would grow old together. I accepted his proposal without hesitation. We had plans for a family, but he wanted to wait until we purchased a house. So, I waited for five long years, convinced our dream was still alive.

When we finally bought a place, I brought up having kids, but suddenly, things shifted. He declared he didn’t want any more children, which shattered my heart. The life we had envisioned for years just crumbled. Shortly after, he invited his family to live with us. While I tried to understand, I began feeling like a guest in my own home. Even though he loved me, it felt as if he prioritized them over me. Ultimately, he moved out, taking his family with him and leaving me feeling utterly alone.

I’ve tried to tell myself this wasn’t about the kids, yet guilt lingers. I can’t help but wonder if I had said “no” to having kids, would he have stayed? Even after all this time, I can’t shake the feeling of missing him. How do I move on when someone who was once everything still fills such a significant space in my heart, even though he’s gone? — Dreams shattered in Virginia

Dear “Dream”: Do you feel guilty for wanting children after your husband led you on for years? You were deeply misunderstood and then abandoned. If that alone isn’t enough to help you let go, it may be time to seek professional support. Holding onto an illusion is not the same as clinging to reality.