The Gripe Report

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for a new edition of The Gripe Report. This week, let’s dive into social etiquette, and not the trivial stuff about which fork to use for salad. I’m talking about real social situations and how to handle them.

Who even uses a barbecue grill at a highway rest stop?

Normally, I have more to say in these introductions, but I think this one’s pretty concise. I did my best.

Goodbyes and Unexpected Meetings

Picture this: you’ve just had a fun night out with your friends. Friends you know well enough, but maybe not super close. After a good time, you start to head back to your car, waiting for you in a big parking lot. But lo and behold, you run into those friends again.

Can someone explain why doctors weigh us down with our keys and wallets in our pockets?

Great news—there are plenty of ways to respond. The downside? None of them feel great. You could make a joke like, “It’s been a while!” Sure, they’ll muster a fake smile, but suddenly, it’s awkward—you’re that guy. Another option is awkwardly starting to say goodbye again, which feels even worse, especially if you meet a third time. Or, you could just say nothing, which might actually be the easiest route, but for most people, it’s too much to bear.

I think a mix of reactions might be the best plan, though that might not fully solve the awkwardness.

Food Service Complaints

Saying “You too” at the Wrong Time

Why does it sometimes feel painful to say “you too” when a server tells you to enjoy your meal? It really shouldn’t, but I always feel like crawling back into bed instead. It’s awkward when you expect a server to say something nice, and when they just say, “Enjoy,” you blurt out, “You too,” making yourself look silly.

Then there are parking attendants at concerts or games, kindly telling us to enjoy the show, to which we respond with a “You too.” Sure, they’ll have a blast standing there while we have fun—at least they’re getting paid for it.

Handshake vs. Hug Dilemma

I’m honestly tired of trying to read body language just to figure out whether someone’s approaching for a handshake, a dap, or a hug. My success rate is around 60%—I feel like it should be 100%. We need some basic social rules to ease this confusion. For example, let’s only shake hands if most folks are wearing collared shirts, signaling it’s a formal occasion.

I wouldn’t mind everyone wearing name tags either. Japan seems to have it figured out; everyone just bows, which is simple and straightforward.

Small Talk in Elevators

One of my biggest pet peeves is that I can’t stand silence in elevators. I’m not opposed to chatting, but I can’t stand when people feel the need to fill the silence with any random thing, especially if all that’s going on is the elevator moving up!

Honestly, I could sit quietly in an elevator full of people without it bothering me. But for others, silence seems unbearable. So, someone inevitably has to say something completely unnecessary like, “Lunch was delicious.” Why? There’s really no need.

What I hear all too often is people trying desperately to entertain others in what should just be a simple ride up! Not every situation calls for back-and-forth chatter. The less I know about you in a confined space, the better.