Dear Abby: My parents, who have different birthdays, started a tradition about 35 years ago of hosting big parties for their birthdays. My brothers and I have grown up now, and while their friends often filled the room, we found ourselves rather bored. We’re married with kids now and feel incredibly guilty about skipping these celebrations, especially as our parents, especially our mom, have come to expect us to help out more as they age.
Several years ago, my father fell ill and, unfortunately, he has since passed away. Despite his condition, the party tradition continued, even when he could hardly stay awake. Now, my 85-year-old mother insists on keeping it alive. However, the number of attendees is dwindling due to age-related issues, and some folks can’t even drive anymore. The challenge is that we do most of the planning and work. One of my brothers lives far away and it’s hard for him to make the trip, especially since his spouse also has health issues.
In fact, my brothers and I think it may be time to reconsider these large gatherings. They just don’t feel necessary anymore. What’s the best way to talk to my mom about this? — based in Washington
Response: You might want to gently share your feelings with your mother, possibly via a family discussion or a more personal chat. Let her know that while you value her and want to celebrate, the yearly parties have become quite challenging with everyone’s other responsibilities. Instead of a large event, perhaps propose a simple lunch at a restaurant with a birthday cake. The goal is to honor her without the added pressure of a big event.
Dear Abby: I’m 62 and getting ready to retire, but I’m feeling disheartened about starting a new career. It seems like companies don’t want to hire someone my age. Recently, I didn’t land another interview, and it left me feeling so upset I almost quit my current job altogether.
These days, it’s all about online applications, and you can’t really connect with an employer personally. I did try removing my work dates from my resume, but at one interview, they specifically asked for them. I’m interested in working in the veterinary field; I used to volunteer there while juggling a full-time job. I’m really feeling lost. Is youth the only thing they look for? — ready for a change
Response: Unfortunately, age bias can indeed favor younger candidates in some hiring situations. Have you thought about reaching out to your former colleagues at the veterinary clinic you volunteered with? They might have some helpful advice or insights regarding your job search.
Additionally, you may want to check in with your county’s senior services department to explore job opportunities tailored for seniors. While it might not be your ideal position, you may find something related that works well for you.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, originally established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more information, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
