Dear Abby

I have been seeing “Rita” for four months now. We share kisses, hugs, and hand-holding, but only had one real kiss. Rita was previously married for 22 years to an emotionally abusive partner and then to someone quite manipulative. She feels that things are moving too quickly for her and wants to take a step back. I totally understand, and I’ve never pressured her.

Sometimes, Rita cancels our plans or goes quiet for a day or so. She assures me she isn’t seeing anyone else, and I’m not either. I’ve told her it’s okay to wait because I’m deeply in love with her and have serious intentions.

Despite telling me she has strong feelings and that I treat her better than anyone else ever has, she seems unsure about how to handle it all. So, how long should I wait for her to decide what she wants our relationship to be? I’m not worried about any physical aspect, but after four months of not labeling our relationship, I find myself anxious about whether I’m just wasting my time. Could you give me some advice? — Relax in Virginia

Take it easy: Continue to nurture your relationship slowly. With two previous difficult marriages, it’s understandable that Rita is cautious. If, after a year, she still hesitates to call you “boyfriend” or something similar, it might be time to reassess whether you’ve invested enough time.

Dear Abby

In light of all the negative stories you’ve received about mothers-in-law, I wanted to share my own experience. I met my mother-in-law 43 years ago while dating her oldest son, who is now my husband. From that first meeting, she embraced me with kindness and love. She and my stepfather raised five wonderful kids, and our children’s partners treated us like family. Her dedication to caring for her loved ones was evident in everything she did.

We sadly lost this incredible woman at the age of 89 after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease and dementia. Though we watched her gradually decline, the impact of her legacy remains. I genuinely hope to be half as good a mother-in-law to my children’s partners as she was to me.

I also wish for others who may not have had such good fortune to find common ground with my mother-in-law, especially those with kids. I love you, Mom! — Luck in New York

To all the lucky ones: Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt tribute to a woman who left a significant mark on those around her. You were fortunate to experience such a loving family, and she was just as lucky to have a daughter-in-law like you.