Dear Abby: I’m a middle-aged gay man who has never been in a serious relationship. A few months ago, I met a 22 year old man. He seemed like a really sweet and kind guy and we had a good time together, so he let me use him for money. He took advantage of the feelings I thought I had for him, and I still do.
The other night I caught him lying to me again and walked away from rock bottom. He ended up blocking my number so I know he won’t get my text messages. I have called him at least 100 times and he immediately goes to voicemail. Should I just write it down as a “lesson” and try to carry on?
I’ll never be able to forget him. I know I have to move on with my life. Now he’s in his head and it’s hard. If that happens, I won’t be able to go back to my ex. As stupid and immature as it may sound, I think I fell in love with him. I don’t really understand. He hurt me badly because I let him take advantage of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. — Scammed in Tennessee
Dear deceived: Sorry to hurt you, but yes, this should be written down as a lesson learned. You said you’ve never been in a serious relationship. If you want to pursue that, it would be beneficial to meet someone you have more in common with and who is closer to your age. Check in at your local LGBTQ community center, sign up for activities and events, and you might just meet someone. I wish you good luck.
Dear Abby: I am caring for my elderly mother, who has diabetes, and my husband, who is an alcoholic and suffers from epilepsy. All household responsibilities fall on me, including cleaning, maintenance, shopping, driving, and meal preparation. My mother refuses to feed her meals according to her medical condition. It’s a daily struggle. I put everything in her hands to make things easier for her, but I still have to beg and beg.
I’m not feeling well. I have several autoimmune diseases that reduce my strength. I love my mother and husband, but this has taken all the joy out of my life. My mother does not have dementia. She knows what she’s doing.
As for my husband, his love for me cannot match his love for alcohol. He is by no means abusive, but I have never felt so overwhelmed and alone at the same time. I don’t have any siblings to help me and my kids live out of state. Any suggestions on how to keep my sanity? — Overworked in Virginia
To all the overworked people: Yes, I am, but you may not like what I say. It’s time to stop trying to “save” mothers and husbands from the fate they have chosen. Your mother is an adult and has her abilities. Let her take responsibility for herself and her own treatment. (Or not, that’s also her choice.)
For your husband’s alcoholism, join Al-Anon and start attending meetings.Only he can solve his drinking problem. If he wants. Risking your health by trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped may be well-intentioned, but it can also be misguided.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
