Jimmy Fallon’s Past Struggles with SNL
Jimmy Fallon expressed his intense dedication to Saturday Night Live during an appearance on Stephen Bartlett’s podcast, “CEO’s Diary.” The 50-year-old host revealed that he once made a drastic statement about his future on the iconic show, admitting he had contemplated suicide if he wasn’t cast by the age of 25.
“Yeah, I jotted it down in some diaries,” Fallon recounted. “I said if I didn’t land a spot on SNL by 25, I’d prefer to end it all.”
When questioned about the gravity of this threat, he clarified, “Yes, I did mean it. But, honestly, I think I knew deep down that I’d make it onto the show.” Fallon seemed to reflect a bit on his younger self, suggesting he didn’t genuinely feel that way.
Previously, in a 2011 interview with Rolling Stone, he mentioned grappling with suicidal thoughts, explaining, “I remember saying, ‘If I don’t get on SNL before I’m 25, I’m going to kill myself.’ That sounds insane now; it’s not like I had many friends at the time.” On the podcast, he noted, “I think I typed that somewhere—maybe it’s still saved in a file.” It’s almost nostalgic in a way, recalling that intense focus he had on achieving his dreams.
Fallon joined SNL in 1998, just after turning 24, and remained until 2004. During his conversation with Bartlett, he opened up about his struggles with mental health prior to his NBC career. “I usually try to stay positive, but those years were probably among my toughest,” he admitted. “I mean, I was really lost; I had no social life and became fixated on work and stand-up.” His sense of isolation is palpable in his reflections, mentioning he felt “mentally broken.”
He revealed even sending a letter to his best friend, saying, “I’m losing it.” There was clearly a point where he felt he was at a crossroads. Fallon’s current position as a father to two daughters, Winnie and Francis, leads him to emphasize how much he wanted to be part of SNL as a child.
Interestingly, he mentioned not enjoying the show much while growing up, which, in turn, affected his social life. “If friends invited me to their parties, I’d feel out of place because I wasn’t a fan of the show,” he reflected. Now, as host of “The Tonight Show,” Fallon mentioned that everything he ever aspired to do is encapsulated in the sketches of SNL—which, looking back, makes his journey feel all the more significant.
Reflecting on that intense ambition, he said, “Even if I got just one episode, that would mean the world to me.” You can almost sense how far he’s come, yet he still carries those early dreams with him.
