Wide-eyed and enthusiastic stares into the camera as liberal late-night hosts Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert exit Monday with President Donald Trump's return to the Oval Office. , excited hand gestures, and the occasional “What the hell?” filled the network television airwaves. , Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers are upset.
Kamala Harris appeared physically shaken by the prospect of what the next four years would mean for Trump, thanks to her $1.6 billion failure to beat him, but not much. The carnival barker club, lacking species diversity, did its best to find some fun. Stewart described Biden as saying, “I handed over the keys, but I'm sorry, but what did you call him? 'Hitler.'”
On the scale of the extraordinary situation, let's go.
For Stewart, Trump's inauguration was an “incredibly nerve-wracking day” that occurred during a “tumultuous time in American history filled with a lot of uncertainty and anxiety.” The Comedy Central part-timer changed President Trump's pronunciation of “decline” into a 60-second “decline” joke during a 20-minute monologue, saying, “Google came to kiss Trump, meta… I burned Twitter, TikTok, and Apple's neck.'' Stewart said he was living the motto, “When they're down, I'm home,'' and praised Michelle Obama, who was absent.
Stephen Colbert ended his monologue with new rules for the next four years: 1. “Calories don't count” 2. “Drinking a vodka tonic at 8 a.m. is perfectly reasonable” and a screed full of intrigue And I said, “Damn! He told us to inject bleach, and I believe we still have pee tape! Russia, if you're listening, let's start the Golden Age.” Sho.”
Jimmy Kimmel and his team of writers dug deep and came up with more jokes about how Melania must hate her husband, the kind of conspiracy jab that J.D. Vance would love to hit on the couch. “It wasn't an uplifting speech, it wasn't a well-crafted speech,” Kimmel said, making the same “dick line” joke that Stewart cracked.
Kimmel spends several minutes mocking country music megastar Carrie Underwood for technical issues he didn't cause, then calls out proven liar and CNN host Jake Tapper. received some sort of assistance from the US and decided to distance Biden completely from the White House. Hundreds of balloons like in the movie above.
On NBC, the much more reserved Seth Meyers introduced the day's big news: “Oh my god, Donald Trump is now president of the United States.” Damn it. ”
Meyers made an easy-to-make fruit joke about Trump hanging out in the warmth of the U.S. Capitol building with tech billionaires while throngs of his supporters stood outside in cold weather. , then criticized the president's speech as “an unsettling, low-energy combination.” I'm talking about creepy fascism and weird shit that no one cares about except Donald Trump and his minions. ”
Finally, Jimmy Fallon appeared on stage wearing a hat similar to the one worn by first lady Melania Trump at the inauguration, and asked, “Who wore it best, me, Melania or Hamburger?” I cracked a joke.
After making the usual point about first lady Melania hating her husband, Fallon said that any country re-electing Trump would be tantamount to “rolling the dice, just like he managed to survive the first election.” said. squid game And then I signed up again. ”
Jerome Hudson is Breitbart News Entertainment Editor and author. 50 things you don't want to know about Trump. order Your copy today. to follow Jerome Hudson above Twitter and Instagram@JeromyHudson