In your memoir, “Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult,” you publish your personal email address and explicitly invite people to send you complaints. Have you received any complaints?
I’ve had zero complaints, just loving support. I’ve also had beautifully written emails. It’s so inspiring to see what humans are capable of. I wonder if all the critics are on my Instagram? They’re always complaining about me on Twitter and stuff. I don’t want to read those people. But yes, I do get emails every once in a while. They’re really lovely.
This may not be relevant to the question, but I recently donated $75 to The Guardian because they always ask you to donate, so I just had to.
Thank you! Would you rather die at the bottom of the ocean or in space?
Space. The bottom of the ocean is scary, and it takes time because you have to go deeper and deeper. Whereas in space, you’re going to explode at some point, right? I’ve seen the movie “Fast and Furious.” There was a scene where they went to space. I know it’s not scientific, but I think space is a good option.
Who is the most famous person in your phone?
Judd Apatow and/or Amy Schumer.
What is your least favorite bird and why?
I hate to say it, but they are crows. They all look like they are upset about something. And there are so many of them.
If you had to fight a celebrity, who would you fight, how would you fight and who do you think would win?
Obviously Donald Trump. I’d love to spin-kick him into the breadbasket. He doesn’t work out at all. But I think he knows we’re fighting. That’s not a surprise. It’s not a fight to the death, but it’s points-based and there are definitely timed rounds. He has a chance. I’m just saying. I’m available. I want a fair fight. I go to the gym three times a week. And I think my presence might make him uncomfortable.
What is the best advice you have ever received?
When I was in my 20s, I had just moved to Los Angeles from Minneapolis, and a woman came up to me, grabbed me by the arm, and said, [grandly]”Life can change in an instant!” This is so true in many scary ways and in many beautiful ways.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done for love?
I moved to Australia for a year. It was a bit of a manic decision, of course. I think I was the one who was in love. But I went to the Melbourne Comedy Festival and met someone there. I wasn’t on any drugs at the time, so I thought it would be a good idea to move. And I lived in Adelaide for about a year. Deep boredom set in. But it was lovely. The relationship didn’t work out, not because of Adelaide.
If there was a sandwich named after you, what would it be in?
You put tuna salad and iceberg lettuce on a soft roll, and you put some sharp cheddar on it, and you toast it, and it’s called a tuna melt, but I’m going to call it a Maria and I’m going to copyright it and sue you.
What movie from your childhood left a lasting mark on you?
Well, not as a kid, but have you seen Steven Spielberg’s War Horse? That was a horrible movie. The horse being dragged through barbed wire and this shitty fake sentimental Irish scene. Wow, it really made me sick. I tried to leave but my parents brought me in. I was in my 30s then. It’s not that easy to leave. That was a horrible movie.
There’s also a movie called “Joni,” about a young woman who dives into shallow water and is paralyzed. She paints watercolors with a brush in her mouth, and it has a happy ending. I remember that as a child, and I don’t know if it traumatized me. I just remember thinking, “Wow, that’s amazing.”
Who would you like to play you in a biopic about your life?
Godzilla. He’s kind, but he gets really angry about things. Everyone loves Godzilla, but at the same time, they’re scared of him.
