dear abby: My boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for quite a while, has been divorced for over 20 years. Every year, my ex-boyfriend spends a week or two at his house with a female friend. He treats them well—driving them around, taking them out to eat, and so on.
Even if I had some interest in joining them, I think I wouldn’t.
Am I wrong for feeling this is disrespectful and harboring some resentment over never being introduced to his annual guest? When I have someone over, he’s always invited. — Marooned in Florida
Dear Left Out: It seems your boyfriend is treating you like a concealed part of his life, rather than as his significant other. (Does his ex even know you exist?) It’s understandable to feel dismayed and sidelined.
Since this is an ongoing thing each year, perhaps you should think about planning your own vacation during that time.
dear abby: I’m 76 and fortunate to live in a lovely neighborhood. However, it’s almost overrun with dogs; many stroll past my house at least twice daily. I enjoy walking, but I have a fear of dogs.
When I encounter dog owners, they’re often keen for me to pet their dogs. When I mention my fear, they reassure me that their dog is friendly and wouldn’t hurt me. But I’m not ready to take that chance.
I’ve been trying to plan my walks to avoid these situations, but I’d rather not drive elsewhere or waste gas. What should I do? — Lonely Stroller of the East
Dear stroller: Here’s a thought: when you see dog walkers, just smile and keep moving. That way, you can maintain a friendly demeanor without feeling pressured to interact closely. It’s perfectly okay to prefer company that doesn’t involve being licked.
dear abby: How can I slowly cut back on gift-giving? I’m 80 and have nearly everything I need—or want—along with surplus.
Yet, my daughter-in-law and sister-in-law pamper me with numerous gifts during holidays and birthdays—books they don’t read, clothing they don’t wear, duplicates of what I already have. They’re thoughtful but always brand new.
I don’t wish to create tension, as it’s nice to be thought of, but do you have any ideas on how to convey that one gift would suffice? — Full of Massachusetts Stuff
Dear stuffed animal: It would be best to address this directly with each of them. Let them know how appreciative you are of their generosity but that it’s becoming a bit much.
There’s simply no room left for more. If they feel compelled to gift you something for a holiday or birthday, perhaps they could consider donating that money to a charity instead. It’s a sincere gesture that would be appreciated.
