dear abby:I’ve been dating a man for about a year. For the most part, we get along just fine. We are spending a lot of time together and he is professing his love for me. His intention is to be together forever, but he hasn’t proposed. I think this relationship can continue forever.
The only thing is that I’m not physically attracted to him. Although he is good-looking and well-groomed, it cannot make up for the fact that he is homely. To be honest, I am a beautiful woman. I’ve always dated “within my league.”
I’m trying not to be shallow, but it really bothers me. Sometimes I just get fed up. I know we are both getting older, but until then he will still remain ugly. Since I have feelings for him, should I try not to overlook his flaws? — My heart broke for him in Nevada.
dear torn: no! For your sake, please don’t do that. You deserve a man you’re writing about who focuses on your inner qualities more than your abilities. You don’t have to force yourself to like him. This is very annoying for you, so please do each other a favor and let him go.
dear abby: Many years ago, my spouse’s friend “Valerie” invited us to lunch. I had never met her, but she had previously corresponded with me via email. Valerie clearly didn’t like me. We sat for 4 hours having lunch, during which time she sat across from me, but she never looked at me, spoke to me, or acknowledged my presence. . It was humiliating and dehumanizing. Since we live in different states, it was clear we would never see each other again.
Well, Valerie is now contacting my spouse again through letters and e-mails and rebuilding the old relationship. I asked her not to let her Valerie back into our lives. She heard how Valerie treated me and she is upset that she accepted her contact. My spouse did nothing to address Valerie’s behavior and at the time of the incident I was told to leave it alone, which I did.
It is clear that “the game is on” again, since Valerie reappeared and contacted only my spouse, and also addressed the card only to my spouse. My spouse did not support my feelings and refused to acknowledge Valerie’s rudeness during our lunchtime visit.
I don’t want to be friends with this person. My spouse has made it clear that he intends to stay in touch with this person and that he does not intend to bring up “old dirt.” Would she be wrong to ask her to end this friendship and for her not to let this person back into our lives? Not confirmed in Oregon
Dear Unidentified,: No, you’re not wrong. Ask your spouse why she is in her relationship with Valerie and if she wants to end the relationship with Valerie, do so now because she feels threatened by Valerie’s behavior. please tell me. This is honest, and if your concerns are true, you should know now.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
