Conflict in Missouri

My husband’s younger brother, Hank, is quite estranged from his family. He’s married and has two kids, but he hardly reaches out to his parents, stepfather, sister, and brother, who is my husband, unless, of course, he needs money.

When I’ve met him, which isn’t often, his wife usually avoids joining any family get-togethers, dinners, or even family photos. There are always excuses—or outright lies—and we can’t quite grasp why they choose to keep their distance. It’s infuriating and puzzling.

Since becoming part of this family, I’ve noticed how Hank tends to manipulate situations to get what he wants. He’s quite persuasive and knows how to play the victim card. He struggles to keep a job while trying to uphold a lifestyle that’s, well, beyond his reach.

While I do feel some compassion for him, recognizing that there might be deeper issues at play, I’m really fed up with his pattern of popping in and out of our lives, especially affecting my in-laws. I’ve even reached a point where I can’t give him any more money, but that leaves me concerned about what lies ahead for him.

As my in-laws age and may become more vulnerable, I’m worried that Hank will exploit their situation even more. I care about them deeply, but it has been heart-wrenching to see them manipulated and hurt time and again. Is there anything I can do? — Dispute in Missouri

Dear Conflict Seeker

Manipulating the elderly for money is considered elder abuse, which is illegal. While it might seem premature to worry—since your in-laws are still mentally sound—it’s worth noting that these kinds of situations occur frequently. It could be beneficial for you and your husband to consult an attorney who specializes in elder law and express your concerns.

Dear Reader

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