Dear Abby: My brother was just engaged to “Uut” (worst ever). They've been dating for two and a half years and no one in the family has anything to say about her. In the past, he always had a stable relationship with a girl we really enjoyed. But now he's old, his friend is engaged, and he seems to be calm and under pressure. They've always been arguing, and things he never did before he did now – multiple job changes, reduced time for family, etc.
Everyone, as the oldest brother, I think I should be someone who expresses concerns about her. Is it too dramatic to tell him that it's a bad idea? I said I would support him if he could find her three redemption qualities, as none of us could find him. – There are no fans of her in the East
Dear Fans No: I don't think I'll tell your recently engaged brother that his fiance is “the worst ever.” But I think I can point out that you are worried because he and this woman are discussing a lot. That's why you suggest they seek premarital counseling to resolve line issues. Next, cross the fingers he follows.
Dear Abby: We live just an hour away and want to celebrate our holiday with our older parents, but they prefer to spend time with their friends. This started when my family lived 14 hours apart. We went home every year for Thanksgiving or Christmas. If we weren't home, my parents were with a group of children-free peers. This worked – they weren't alone and I didn't feel guilty.
We went home three years ago. I've mostly become closer to my family again.
But my parents spend all their major holidays with their peers, even if my family is home alone. My mother then asks to host another holiday so that the family can gather. Last year I tried to talk to her about it. I said that it was harmful that she chose to spend the holidays with friends and asked her to consider family planning first. But she quickly reached her old trick. I'm 53 years old and I still want a mother and father. What should I do? – Poor Massachusetts
Dear Poor: “talking” with my mother hasn't been going well, so it's time to start planning other plans for the main holidays.
You're just as alone at home as you want to be. You and your husband can travel or participate in local groups and volunteer for those less fortunate than you in your community.
It's time to take pages from her mother's playbook and do what she did. In other words, declare independence from her.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
