Dear Abby

My brother, who lives in another state, is battling ALS. He has a wife and kids, but she has chosen to stay in a hotel when her family comes to visit, saying she can’t manage visitors while caring for him.

We totally get that hosting could be overwhelming when you’re taking care of someone who’s ill. However, when I visit, it’s primarily to spend quality time with my brother and assist him with basic tasks like eating, bathing, and dressing. Most of this happens early in the day or late evening, so it doesn’t overlap much with visitors at the hotel. Plus, those out-of-town family members could help out with chores—cooking and cleaning, perhaps? Every time we visit, we face hefty travel costs, and it’s a struggle financially.

It honestly feels like our family isn’t really welcome or able to help him. Am I wrong for believing my sister-in-law should reconsider and let her family stay at their home? How might I approach this conversation with her? — I feel stuck in California

Dear Stuck: I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like you might be overlooking an important aspect. While I respect your dedication to your brother and sister-in-law during this hard time, it may be more beneficial to let them know you’re open to helping however they see fit. If staying in a hotel is easier for her, then that’s her choice. It might be a good idea to find out what they truly need from you.

Dear Abby

My husband is a decent guy, but he’s a recovering alcoholic. We recently returned to his hometown, and he insists I spend time with his half-sister, who has said some really hurtful things about him when he wasn’t around. Her sweet demeanor makes it even worse. I haven’t brought this up to him because I’m worried about hurting his feelings. Still, I really don’t want to be around someone who disrespects him. I’ve hinted, saying something like, “I don’t think she respects you very much,” but he gets upset and insists it’s my turn to be with his family after he’s spent time with mine.

The rest of his family is wonderful and welcomes us, but his half-sister and her obnoxious husband create an uncomfortable atmosphere. It’s difficult to enjoy myself knowing her true opinions. What should I do? — unsure about going west

Dear Unsure: The best approach here would be to be honest with your husband about what your half-sister has said. It makes sense that you want to limit your interaction with her. After you tell him, let him decide how he wants to handle it from there.