Dear Abby: After 28 years I found out my husband “Jerry” was cheating on me. In the middle of the divorce my nephew was getting married and I told Jerry it was inappropriate for him to go given the circumstances. He also denied everything and told my daughters he didn't do anything but my family knows everything.
Jerry insisted on going, but I told him do not have He wasn't allowed in any family photos or invited to the reception. Abby, he insisted on sitting in the church pews with my daughters and me, and even tried to drag my mother into church. Was what he did in poor taste and poor manners? To me, it felt like another slap in the face. — Divorce is not over yet
For those who are divorced: It was a huge disservice to have your ex-husband barge in and sit with you and your daughters at your wedding. Was he invited to your nephew's family? If not, I hope he didn't wreak havoc by showing up uninvited at the reception. I think you can get away with this guy.
Dear Abby: My sister-in-law, Bethany, was diagnosed with PTSD from her military service. For the past 15 years, she has fought with my wife, her sister, about everything. She feels that my wife has “changed” since marrying me.
Bethany didn't like the way we treated her father since we moved in 4 years ago to take care of him (he recently passed away). She also didn't like that we were living in her childhood home. She would start fights that escalated into screaming matches while acting like she was the victim. She repeatedly told us that she has PTSD. My wife would scream, cry, and sob during these conversations.
My wife doesn't want to cut ties with Bethany, but I'm tired of seeing her in tears trying to figure out what she did wrong. When Bethany comes to visit, she ends up staying over at our house and the fights are unbearable. I've begged my wife so many times to cut ties with Bethany, and it's now affecting me. Any advice would be appreciated. — Michigan's Impotence
Dear Helpless One: Tell this to your wife. Did she not realize she had done it? there is nothing “You're wrong, and Bethany's anger may simply be jealousy, not PTSD. By now you both must realize that the cost of maintaining a relationship with Bethany's sister is too high. I cannot fathom allowing your wife to be abused repeatedly like this.”
If Bethany starts talking again, your wife should hang up the phone. If Bethany shows up and you can't control yourself, don't let her into the house. If she's already in the house, you should tell her to leave immediately. Unless you two set clear boundaries, nothing will change and your marriage may fall apart.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
