Dear Abby: My cousin, who is like a sister to me, made some hasty decisions last year. After having her second child, she left her husband and began dating someone else, pushing through various challenges. Now, she’s in a rush to buy a house out of state and has signed over full custody of her child to her ex-husband.
What troubles me is that she relies heavily on family and friends for support, yet she has distanced herself from them—so much so that she didn’t invite her sister to her wedding and hasn’t spoken to her mother in months.
I don’t want to cut her off completely because I believe she needs help during this tough time. However, she seems to be trying to manipulate her ex-husband for more financial support while dating a man who verbally mistreats her publicly.
I worry about her safety, but if I voice my concerns, she might cut me out as well. Should I remain in her life to offer help when she needs it? Or should I take a firmer approach? – Concerned in Oregon
Dear concerned cousin: You clearly love your cousin and are worried about her choices. It’s tough to watch her push away her family, but it’s important to let her know you’re there for her when things don’t go as planned. After that, it might be best to step back a bit until things calm down.
Dear Abby: For the last two decades, we’ve enjoyed a home a few blocks from the ocean, where we can host 11 or 12 guests comfortably. We’ve always welcomed our children and grandchildren, and they’ve cherished our hospitality. As we age, though, hosting has become more challenging.
Five years ago, one of our grandchildren married into a difficult family. We appreciate our new grandchildren by marriage, but the husband insists on bringing his parents, siblings, and their dogs to our home, which gets quite noisy and chaotic. I’m conflicted about whether we should continue accommodating them. What do you think? – Fatigued from the East
Dear fatigued: It is inconsiderate for a guest to bring others (and pets!) without first discussing it with the host. If you’re uncomfortable with it, your guest should respect that. It’s unfortunate this wasn’t addressed earlier. Explain to your grandchildren that hosting their entire family can be a significant burden for you, considering your age. In the future, it might be wise to limit invitations to just family.
