Dear Abby: I am raising a granddaughter. We were visiting her aunt and cousin and had a lovely day, but then my granddaughter told her aunt that a 5 year old should be able to pick out her own clothes. My daughter was furious and told me that I needed to teach my granddaughter to respect adults. I told my daughter that I shouldn’t be telling her how to raise her.
My daughter then started yelling and swearing at us and threw us out of the house. My granddaughter was still upset after being yelled at even after she apologized.
I have believed for the last few years that my daughter is not mentally healthy. I have no intention of reuniting my granddaughter with her aunt. However, I do want to maintain a relationship with my 5 year old daughter and would like to maintain a connection with her. I intend to put this incident behind me.
I know my daughter thinks this is all my fault and that she has done nothing wrong. She has many delusions, including ones related to social media. It is impossible to help her. I have been trying to encourage her husband, who is only thinking about survival. I am not sure what the right thing to do is. Please help. — On Eggshells, New Hampshire
DEAR on an eggshell: When your insecure daughter tells you to teach your granddaughter to respect adults, you shouldn’t have responded in a way that added fuel to the fire. If you want to maintain a relationship with your grandson who lives with your daughter, apologize for the uproar. It might also be wise to warn your granddaughter, who you are raising, that her aunt is “sensitive” to parenting advice and to limit her exposure to it.
Dear Abby: Is it inappropriate to decline a wedding invitation simply because I don’t want to attend? I received a “save the dates” postcard from my coworker’s daughter. I don’t know her or her fiance, and I’m not particularly close with her mother.
Where we live, a wedding reception asks for a $150 gift per person if you are attending. My husband and I are on a tight budget and a $300 gift would be a sacrifice. Plus, my husband would have to take time off work to attend, losing an evening’s income.
We attended her eldest daughter’s wedding 7 years ago, but enough is enough. Our children will not get married, so this invitation will not be reciprocated. Even if they do get married, I will not invite my coworkers to their wedding. Can I decline the invitation by saying sorry, I can’t attend? Or is attendance mandatory? — I don’t want to do this in Illinois.
What you don’t want to do, dear: An invitation is not a command! If you don’t want to go and it’s financially difficult, just write “I won’t attend” on the reply card that comes with the invitation. It’s that simple. You’re under no obligation to spend $300, but it would be nice to send the happy couple a card wishing them a long and happy married life.
Dear Reader: We wish you all a happy and healthy Independence Day, please drive carefully and celebrate safely.
P.S.: Wishing you a heavenly and happy birthday, Mom! — With love, Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
