Dear Abby

I’m a retiree who’s been divorced for quite some time. My adult children are grown, but I face a peculiar issue: whenever I shower, I struggle with oil and dirt that just doesn’t seem to come off. I’ve resorted to washing my hair in the kitchen sink because, honestly, the thought of doing it in the shower feels unclean to me. I avoid taking showers altogether; it’s just that I dislike the cold feeling of getting out and trying to get dressed while still damp.

When I’m with someone, I manage to shower, but I often use hospital wipes instead—it’s not great, and I acknowledge that. I do dry shave my legs and armpits when needed, but it’s a real struggle for me. I brush my teeth twice daily and sometimes receive compliments about my light fragrances. Yet, I wonder if that’s more about my older relatives having dulled senses than anything else.

This situation is tough. I have no friends to confide in about it, and while I manage depression, it doesn’t feel severe enough for therapy. Plus, I’m on a fixed income.

I’m really curious about your thoughts on this. It’s been six weeks since my last proper shower, and honestly, I can’t pinpoint why. I just really dislike it. — Without a shower in Illinois

Dear Without a Shower: If you think a portable heater in the bathroom could solve your issue, perhaps that’s a start. You mentioned struggling with depression as if it’s a common experience for everyone, but I hear from many who don’t share that burden. While you’re working with a limited budget, discussing your feelings with a professional might be beneficial.

Consider looking into financial help via your county’s Department of Mental Health or a local university’s psychology program. Therapy could help you uncover the underlying reasons for avoiding showers, and medication might offer some relief too.

Dear Abby: I have a question regarding dating as an older adult. I’ve navigated several dating sites with little success due to many fake profiles. Finally, I encountered a legitimate profile of a seemingly decent man, and after a week, we agreed to meet for dinner. I was genuinely excited until he mentioned he had “baggage.” When I pressed for details, he said it was “physical.” What could that possibly mean?

We discussed intimacy, and, well, we’re not new to that aspect of life. Now that I’m about to meet him, I’m trying to stay polite, but honestly, I feel a bit lost. I thought we had a good connection, or I wouldn’t have agreed to the date. What did I overlook? — Embarrassment in Florida

Dear Embarrassment: A good-looking man expressing he has “baggage” could point to various physical issues. He might have a disability, require assistance, or have some condition—there are many possibilities. Since he didn’t specify, it’s best to approach the situation gradually and see where things lead.