Dear Abby

My close friend “Louis” is facing a tough situation. In his 60s and with a 50% disability, he’s still engaged in conservation work. His sister, Gail, who lives quite a distance away, invited him to move in with her and her husband to assist her.

However, upon moving in, Louis discovered that Gail is a serious alcoholic. She tends to drink heavily after work—often six or eight drinks—and her behavior becomes quite aggressive toward both her husband and Louis. Recently, she abruptly gave Louis 30 days to vacate the premises. With no connections left from his previous home, he finds himself without options.

To help, I lent Louis some money to ensure he wouldn’t go hungry while he sought a means to support himself. He has applied for several guardianship positions, but his brother-in-law, while a nice guy, isn’t really equipped to handle the situation. There’s been physical conflict, and they both feel stuck. Gail is unwilling to seek help. — Supporting my friend in Florida

Dear “out there”: Louis and his brother-in-law might benefit from attending Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings. Such gatherings could relieve their sense of isolation as they navigate the challenges posed by living with an alcoholic.

Regarding Louis’s current living situation, given that he has severed ties in his previous community and lacks funds to move, the most you can do is be there for him. Encourage him to explore community services and potential supports available to him as someone with a partial disability to better his circumstances.

Another Issue

Dear Abby: My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are on the brink of a lawsuit against one another. My mother-in-law has acknowledged that she wasn’t the best parent when her kids were growing up. Meanwhile, her sister-in-law asserts that her mother used to torment her with gifts, notes, and money on her birthdays.

Now, my fiancé and I find ourselves unintentionally caught in the middle, having expressed opinions before the trial began. As a result, they both have cut us off. I suspect it’s because we didn’t take sides, but honestly, why should we? We care for both of them.

My fiancé was particularly close to his sister and mother, so this rift is painful for him. How can I assist in mending their relationship? My sister-in-law has blocked me from all communications, and I’m concerned that if I reach out with a letter, she might see it as harassment. — Stuck in Pennsylvania

For those in complex situations: You can’t force two people to reconcile if they aren’t willing. I can’t ascertain if the mother-in-law’s actions were genuinely intended to harm; they might have been. My suggestion is to remain neutral and avoid getting too involved until things settle down.

Closing Thoughts

Dear reader: On this day dedicated to love, I wanted to take a moment to express how much I value our long-standing relationships. Wishing everyone a joyful Valentine’s Day. — With warmth, Abby