Dear Abby: My parents have been divorced for almost 30 years. My father is still furious with my mother and she is indifferent to him.
My son is about to graduate from high school and my grandparents both want to attend the ceremony and dinner.
But Dad refuses to have close or even gaze to my mother. He wants me to plan the day so there’s no chance they’ll cross the pass – another car, separate seats, another photo, another meal in another restaurant.
My siblings did this when his child graduated and it was a lot of work. That’s stupid. They are 75 years old and should be able to sit side by side with each other without throwing a tantrum. I want to hand out tickets for the ceremony and make a reservation for dinner.
My son is mad at me. Because his grandfather feels guilty about him that he cannot “make it possible” in order to participate in graduation. But my son is willing to take over a logistical strategy on how parents can enter and depart the building without the opportunity to interact with them.
Is this rightly ridiculous? Mom doesn’t care in any way because it’s worth it. – Daughter of the Dilemma
Dear daughter: What your father refuses to recognize is that these special occasions are not just about having his grievances against him and your mother, perhaps the boldness to leave him.
You don’t want to jump over the hoop to accommodate his childish and demanding behavior, so if you can’t fill the hatch on this special occasion and celebrate the achievements of your son, you will understand him from the guest list and omit him. The choice is something he makes, whether he celebrates his grandson’s milestone or continues to feed his grim.
Dear Abby: After his normal work, my middle-aged son drives late into the night for a shared company with a ride. He works hard as he needs extra money to support his wife (who also works outside the house) and three children.
I’m not wealthy, but when I realized that his car was very old junk and 300,000 miles of junk and leaking oil and water, I gave him $25,000 and bought a new one. I asked him not to tell anyone except his near-kind. Instead, he told his wife and children that he had bought a new car and had not mentioned his grandpa (me).
I wanted a little good intentions, even from my grandchildren (who was excited about the car) and my stepdaughter. “Thank you, Grandpa, that was thoughtful and generous.” Was I wrong? – I’m not grateful in California
Dear thank youAccording to many religions, the best form of charity is Anonymous. The gift for your son came from heartfelt, but it should not be given in the hopes of being grateful by your grandchildren. Your son should be safe thanks to your generosity and in itself be your reward.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
