Dear Abby: I was married for 39 years to “Morris,” who struggled with alcoholism and had poor money habits. In 2010, he admitted to having an affair with his boss, and the next day, they moved in together and later got married. This news filled me—and my two adult sons—with anger and resentment. Over time, we realized how toxic the situation was and chose to limit contact to just a couple of times a year.
Recently, Morris’ wife passed away, and he reached out wanting to reconnect as “friends” and “family.” It’s clear he’s lonely and has no close friends; he’s been retired for over a decade. While none of us want to reintegrate too deeply, our oldest son, “Justin,” has started receiving frequent messages and emails from Morris.
Morris is in a tough place emotionally. We’ve encouraged him to seek counseling, volunteer, or take some classes, but setting boundaries with him has proven challenging. Justin, who just got married, wants to balance his responsibilities without dragging the weight of this situation into his new life, while his younger brother isn’t as communicative with Morris. Justin’s wife is concerned about how Morris might affect their lives moving forward. Unfortunately, Morris seems intent on getting closer to the family.
This whole situation is creating tension between the boys. Do you have any suggestions on how we can navigate this? — Tired in Florida
Dear Tired: It’s important to remind your sons that Morris made his choices and left you all behind. (For clarity, I’m not referring to him as their father.) You and your sons aren’t responsible for his current emotional state. If you’re seeking support, consider attending a local AA meeting. Don’t let Morris’s issues interfere with your lives any further. If Justin remains engaged with Morris, there could be significant strains on his marriage.
Dear Abby: My daughter finalized her divorce on paper, yet her ex still lives at her home. They share two lovely children, and he has two from a previous relationship; they spend three nights a week together. Unfortunately, he has nowhere else to go. He wants to purchase a house but has depleted his finances. We’ve offered a down payment, but she refuses to accept it. How can I encourage her to set a timeline for him to move out? — Help them move forward
Thank you for your cooperation: Here’s a thought: If you want to prompt him to leave, suggest he stay with you “until things settle down.” Meanwhile, encourage your daughter to speak with her lawyer about her living situation, as remaining in her home could lead to financial complications.
Dear readers: On this Memorial Day, I join millions of Americans in expressing gratitude to the brave men and women who sacrificed their lives for our country. May they find peace. — Love, Abby
