Dear Abby: Struggles with Family Dynamics

Dear Abby: I think there are mental health professionals out there who might be dealing with their own issues, like generalized anxiety or even major depression. My own struggles stem from 44 years of abuse at the hands of my mother, abuse that she sometimes directed at others.

When I stood up for myself at 17, her physical abuse finally ceased. At 18, though, I faced a frightening situation with my son. He raised his fist at me, and I had to take the difficult step of reporting him.

The sexual abuse ended when I was just 12, which made me realize my mother had known what was happening all along.

This realization buried any hope I had of having a relationship with her, although her emotional abuse lingered on until she passed in 2013.

Now that she’s gone, people tell me I should just let it go. My brother was always on her side, thinking that supporting her was the best thing to do.

After so many years of struggle, I thought my family was just my two children. But now they seem distant too, telling me, “Your mother is gone. Move on.”

How can you simply say “get over it” when the abuse started before I could even walk? – Ohio bleeding heart

Dear Bleeding Heart: I genuinely empathize with your intense trauma. Your children may not grasp the lasting impact of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.

If your children ever encourage you to forgive, they might not fully understand the depth of the hurt caused by your mother and siblings.

Dear Abby: Navigating In-Law Relationships

Dear Abby: My stepfather has died, and I haven’t really been close to my stepmother.

I’ve encouraged my husband to keep visiting her. She’s quite independent, driving herself around and keeping active.

However, every time he returns from a visit, he brings back a random assortment of items from her. Hats, gloves, socks, flashlights, t-shirts, gadgets—the list goes on. Most of it goes unused.

My in-laws love to buy things, and they have a habit of purchasing in bulk.

When he brings items home, I just take them straight to the donation center. How can I persuade him to tell his mother he doesn’t need any more of the stuff?

I’d prefer not to be the one to speak to her, as it tends to create issues. Should I just keep quiet and handle the donations myself for some peace? – Abandoned in Pennsylvania

Dear Abandoned: No, that’s not the solution. You need to tell your husband that he should handle the item situation directly with his mother.

If he finds the constant donations a hassle, perhaps he’ll find a way to kindly communicate to her that he doesn’t need more things.