Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column.Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
I’ve had quite a year. At the start of 2025, I ended a long-term relationship, and after a few months, I chose to relocate out of state.
Right before my move, I began using a GLP-1 weight loss medication, which has helped me shed most of the weight I gained during the pandemic (yay!). However, I’m flying back to my hometown soon for a visit, and I’m honestly worried that my noticeable weight loss will lead to awkward conversations.
My mom has struggled with undiagnosed eating disorders for as long as I can remember, and my aunt, whom I’m quite close to, is very invested in fitness and health. She has previously made unflattering remarks about weight loss medications, insisting that people should simply “get off the couch and exercise.” Given their attitudes toward body image and weight loss, I really don’t want to talk to them about my body or admit that I lost weight thanks to medication. I’m generally open about my journey with friends who ask, and I believe it’s important for people to understand that these drugs can actually work (well, for me, at least!). It’s just that I don’t think everyone can lose weight solely through willpower; I certainly couldn’t. So, what do you think is the best way to minimize discussions about this with my family? I’m expecting compliments and questions regarding my weight loss.
—I Was Pretty (and Fit!) When I Was Fat, Too
Dear Pretty and Fit,
It sounds like you’re feeling good about your body and health, and you’re about to visit loved ones (even if you might not always appreciate everything about them). This should ideally be a positive experience. It’s unfortunate, though, that this upcoming trip is generating stress because of past judgments you’ll have to deal with. It’s challenging to enjoy time with people when you’re constantly preparing for a comment that could unsettle you or undermine your self-esteem—especially when you think back to childhood moments where adult conversations revolved around body image.
I totally get that you want to sidestep these feelings. If avoiding discussions about your body feels like the right path, maybe warn your mom and aunt beforehand. They’ve focused on weight issues around you for your entire life, so giving them a heads-up could help them adjust to the idea that typical comments won’t be welcomed. You might consider sending a message like this: “Hi Mom and Aunt Barbara, I’m excited to see you! Just a quick note to mention that you may notice I’ve lost a few pounds. I know we often talk about weight, but lately, all the focus on my body changes has made me uncomfortable. I’d prefer to skip that conversation altogether. Thanks for understanding! I’m sure we’ll find plenty of other things to discuss!”
However, I wonder if outright banning discussions about your weight could inadvertently draw even more attention to it. By designating it as off-limits, you might be creating a sense of it being more significant than it is. You might still feel their gazes, thoughts, and reactions as you move around. Instead, have you thought about steering the conversation yourself? If they comment on your appearance, you could respond in a light manner while gently redirecting the discussion. Here’s how that could play out:
Mom: Wow, you’ve lost weight!
You: I have.
Mom: You look great! I’m so happy for you! I need to lose more, too. I’m on this new diet where you just eat during certain hours—
You: Thanks! I feel good in my body, but I felt good before, too, and my weight could always change again. I don’t want to obsess over it. It’s honestly a bit sad to think about diets constantly. What’s more exciting in my life lately is…
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: I worry about this conversation, given how personal it is and the emotional baggage I have from growing up. Can we talk about something else? How’s your watercolor class?
Or
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: I did go the GLP-1 route. I understand you might not agree, but I really don’t want to get into a discussion that could hurt my feelings. Let’s set this aside for now and focus on having a good time.
Or
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: Please tell me you’ve set aside a ticket for me.
Aunt: …
You: For the ceremony!
Aunt: …
You: The one where you get honored for losing weight without GLP-1s.
Aunt: What?
You: Oh, wait—are you not receiving a lifetime achievement award for doing it the old-fashioned way? That must be disappointing. I mean, I hope the method you chose brought you happiness.
Classic Prudie
I live in a duplex that shares a driveway. Recently, a new family moved into the other unit, and it’s been quite a challenge. The kids leave their toys and scooters in the middle of the driveway, which means I have to get out of my car to move them when I need to go to work. They also play in my side yard, making a ton of noise and messing with my plants. They’ve even broken two of my expensive pots already…
