Dear Abby: My beautiful adopted son “Allen” (32 years old) lost his life six months ago. He had struggled with mental illness all of his adult life. He had a close relationship with his cousin, in fact they were inseparable. But when Allen started smoking at her 13 year old, my sister wouldn’t allow Allen to be near her son, even if her husband smoked. Allen was devastated.
My brother has a large cabin and hosts a deer hunting event every year. I approached him several times and asked if he could invite Allen to hunt, or just for fun in the north woods. His answer was always, “Not this time.”
My husband passed away 11 years ago. Since she comes from a large family, she thought she would get help from them. Quite the opposite. I still have hard feelings towards my family. These feelings of loss and the rejection from her siblings were part of Allen’s depression, which she knows she will never recover from. I’m not trying to repair my relationship with my brothers, I’m just offering words of comfort. — Sadder than sad in Michigan
Dear sad person: My heartfelt condolences on the passing of your son. Your family may not have included him because they didn’t understand his mental illness and felt they didn’t have the ability to deal with it.
This isn’t to excuse the fact that they kept their distance, but rather to explain why they kept him at arm’s length.
You’ll have support even when you’re away, so you won’t feel alone. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention can help you find a grief support group near you. To find out, visit afsp.org.
Another great organization is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Visit nami.org to find a wealth of resources for families like yours. please Don’t wait.
Dear Abby: I have a friend who I have known for 30 years. We share many fun times together and feel like a family. The problem is that she cuts me off every time I talk on her phone.
It doesn’t matter if I’m talking about the weather or what I think is important. She interrupted me mid-sentence and told me that she had to go for some reason. She’s been doing this for years and lately it’s gotten worse.
She is newly married and we hardly talk anymore. But it stands to reason that once we start talking, she has to go right away. I would never do that to her. I listen patiently and quietly as my girlfriend tells me about her life. Should I forget about our friendship and stop answering her calls? Telling her about it only makes her furious to the point where she won’t talk to me anymore. — terminates in Kentucky
Dear cutoff: If telling this friend how her behavior is affecting you drives her away, you should definitely tell her how you feel. If she then runs in the opposite direction, it indicates that your relationship is in a state of instability and has reached its expiration date.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
If you live in New York City and are struggling with suicidal thoughts or experiencing a mental health crisis, call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free and confidential crisis counseling. I can. If you live outside the five boroughs, please dial the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988 or visit the following link: SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.
