Dear Abby:

My parents split up when I was in high school, and my dad ended up keeping the house where I grew up. Now that I’m in college nearby and have my own place, I still visit him pretty often. Back when I was a teenager, I used to cook family dinners twice a week, which I enjoyed. I kept up the cooking habit during my visits.

Recently, my dad’s serious girlfriend moved in with him. She claims she’s uncomfortable with me spending time in the kitchen, referring to it as “her” space. Whenever I visit, I’m basically limited to the living room. And if I need something as simple as water, I have to ask her. She insists it’s just good hosting, but honestly, it feels like she’s trying to push me out. My dad supports her rules, saying it’s her home now.

What was my home for 18 years suddenly feels off-limits. She seems uncertain about their relationship and wants to create some distance between my dad and me. But her behavior makes her seem unwelcome in the house I grew up in. I even invited both of them over to my place, but they didn’t want to come. What should I do now? – Pushed out in Arkansas

Dear Pushed:

It seems your father’s girlfriend is coming from a place of both control and insecurity, while your father seems hesitant to disrupt the status quo. So, it appears you might have to adjust to these new “house rules.” If you can still visit your dad without feeling too uncomfortable, then do that. If you find it too difficult, perhaps stepping back for a bit is the best option. He might eventually realize he misses you and come around to visiting you. It’s a tough situation, and I’m sorry it’s come to this.

Dear Abby:

I love animals, and dogs in particular, but I can’t stand the smells, chaos, fur, and general antics of untrained ones. My spouse’s family has a mix of large and small dogs, and none of them are properly trained—apparently, they prefer them that way. They think it’s charming when the dogs jump onto guests’ laps, believing it helps win people over. On top of that, the dogs are allowed on the furniture and can be quite odorous. They even feed them at the dinner table.

I totally appreciate how much people care for their pets, and I wouldn’t want them to change for me. Still, I’m a bit baffled as to why I should put myself in an uncomfortable situation.

Is there a polite way to tell them I’m not comfortable with dining or visiting their home? I think saying “I don’t like dogs” might spark a conflict. (I own a cat, but I wouldn’t dream of bringing her into someone else’s home.) Also, they smoke indoors, which I can’t stand either. Any suggestions? – In a kennel in Florida

Dear “kennel”:

I hear you. Be straightforward with your dog-loving in-laws. Share with them exactly what you shared with me, and trust me, after that, you might not find yourself at their place again. That should clear things up.