Dear Abby: My fiancé and I find ourselves in frequent arguments, and, honestly, we have emotionally hurt each other a lot. I care about her deeply, but she has a serious problem with alcohol, and I really wish she’d stop drinking. Whenever she runs out of money, she asks me for more, specifically for alcohol, but I can’t keep doing that. She has been unkind and abusive to those closest to her, including me.
I deal with anxiety and depression myself and see a therapist to help manage my mental health. My therapist mentioned that we might benefit from couples counseling, but we’re currently waiting for that. I’m also thinking about going to an Al-Anon meeting for support. I’m at a loss for what to do next to salvage our relationship. Please advise. – Feeling down in New York
Dear Depressed: It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. You’re taking positive steps by working with a therapist, and your fiancé is on the waiting list for counseling as well. Attending Al-Anon could be really beneficial for you; it’s a supportive community that can offer insights. Navigating the challenges posed by a manipulative addiction can be exhausting. Remember, saving your relationship isn’t something you can do alone. Ultimately, your fiancé will have to choose between her addiction and your relationship. If she’s unable to let go of alcohol, you may need to think about your own well-being. It’s good that you have therapeutic support already.
Dear Abby: I’m 45 and have been friends with a military guy for over 25 years. A few years back, he moved into my one-bedroom apartment to get help with his retirement and finances. He sleeps on the couch, which is fine by me, and he contributes to half of the rent and bills. However, I’ve noticed that when I return home, he isn’t helping keep the place clean at all. The air conditioning is dirty, the bathroom has mold from his hair dye, and the kitchen is greasy from his cooking. My living space is cluttered with his belongings, and he doesn’t seem to catch on to my hints when I’m away.
I care for him like a brother, but I think he really needs to move out. I’m concerned about having to cover the full rent and other expenses while I’m gone. Plus, he doesn’t inform me about any “important” emails I get. I appreciate his past support, but it’s becoming too much. What should I do? – Good Virginia Friends
Dear Good Buddy: It sounds like you might have mentioned your dislike for the state of the apartment before, but if you haven’t, now is the time. You need to assert that you want your space back. Set a deadline for him to find another place. If you don’t communicate this clearly, nothing will change. It’s important to draw that line.
