Dear Abby:
About nine months ago, my friend “Anne” moved in with me after losing her home due to her boyfriend’s death. Since then, she’s had a tough time finding a job. When she does get work, though, she tends to splurge on stuff she doesn’t really need.
Anne often says she doesn’t want to burden me and hopes to leave as soon as she can. Yet, just after those conversations, she ends up buying random items online—like designer clothes and fancy wallets—which makes me feel like she’s not really saving for her own place.
She justifies her spending by saying she’s been through a lot and feels she deserves it. It’s a bit of a “you only live once” philosophy for her.
Funny enough, she once nudged me to spend $300 on something simply because I liked it. She also tries to express her gratitude by buying me things.
We’re both in our mid-50s, each with a child in their 30s. I’m on a decluttering spree, trying to get rid of stuff I don’t need—better to handle it myself than leave it for my daughter later.
As adults, we know we can’t dictate how Anne should spend her money or live her life. Still, I wish she’d reconsider those frivolous purchases and put that money toward her own stability.
She’s pretty sensitive and takes things to heart. How can I gently let her know I’m not really a fan of gifts? Honestly, the best way she could show appreciation would be to save up instead of buying me unnecessary things. -Thank you, but no thanks
Dear tbnt:
It’s perfectly okay to communicate that you aren’t looking for a permanent roommate. If she wishes to express gratitude, it would be more beneficial for her to start saving seriously for her own space.
Dear Abby:
I’m curious about how to handle questions regarding children. My wife and I don’t have any.
At networking events, people often steer clear of deeper discussions, and children seem to be the “safe” topic. I feel that anyone bringing up kids should first check if everyone in the group has them, as it can lead to awkwardness for me.
It’s somewhat presumptive to assume everyone has kids.
I can’t share stories about child graduations or injuries. – No children in Michigan
Dear Child Free:
You’re right; not everyone has children. It’s not necessarily rude, and the person asking may not realize that. The best way to address it is simply to say, “My wife and I are child-free.”
