Care and Feeding: A Parenting Dilemma

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have a friend, let’s call her Angela. She’s in her 30s and is the first among our friends to become a parent. Her social circle is quite small, and her fiancé is also somewhat new to the area. They made the decision to start a family after only six months of dating, and they’re getting married this summer.

Angela has a laid-back, hippie vibe, but she’s faced some tough times, including abuse from her father, brother, and other partners. One partner in particular held some strange beliefs, leading her to avoid getting vaccinated against COVID. In fact, I wasn’t able to visit her in 2022 before my abortion, as I worried about the risk of contracting the virus.

While she was pregnant, we discussed vaccinations, and Angela mentioned that she planned to vaccinate her baby. She also said she would get the Tdap shot during her pregnancy, but I’m not sure if she followed through with that.

Now, Angela is a stay-at-home mom to a four-month-old. I adore this baby and love being called “auntie.” However, Angela is becoming overly protective and seems to be losing touch with reality. She’s posting anti-vaccine material on Facebook, and when challenged, her gratitude feels insincere. She often talks about her disdain for Trump, yet she appears to mimic some of his views. Honestly, I’m struggling with being friends with someone who doesn’t vaccinate her child. How can I reach out to her about this?

—Vaccinated

Dear Vaccinated,

There’s a lot going on here. What’s most important to note is that your friend’s baby is only four months old, which means Angela is just beginning her journey of motherhood. This period can be incredibly challenging—she’s likely feeling isolated, sleep-deprived, and dealing with hormonal shifts, all while caring for a newborn. Calling her “delusional” might be more accurately expressed as “dealing with postpartum issues.” Just a thought, of course.

Right now, it would be beneficial for her to talk to her doctor about how she’s feeling. More than that, just be there for her; listen, show compassion, and support her. When the topic of vaccines comes up, you might consider gently expressing your perspective—perhaps say something like, “I understand your concerns, but I genuinely believe in the benefits of vaccinations.

As for trying to convince her otherwise—best of luck. We live in a world full of conflicting information, and her hesitancy isn’t solely her fault; it’s a reflection of broader societal issues. Her baby’s doctor will have plenty of chances to discuss vaccines with her, and there will be opportunities down the line—like daycare or school registration—where vaccination might be emphasized. This isn’t solely your responsibility.

If this fundamental disagreement is a deal-breaker for you, it’s perfectly valid to express that and step back from the friendship. It seems like there’s a lot of judgment in your message, even beyond the vaccine issue. Angela clearly needs support, but maybe you’re not the right fit for that role at this point.

—Logan

Classic Prudie

I assist an accomplished woman who’s a few years my senior, and I have great respect for her. We’ve worked together for five years and share a close professional bond. Recently, she began opening up about her loneliness, mentioning how her demanding job makes it hard to maintain relationships. She expressed gratitude for being able to confide in me, which felt significant. There was a moment when, under different circumstances, I might have misread her expression as an invitation for something more.