Dear Abby: I met an acquaintance a few months ago in a short work situation. We hit a friendship (or thought so), had lunch and dinner together several times. She has recently divorced, with a flashy house, lots of expensive clothes, wallets, and large, expensive vehicles, all of which are paying for the original.
I now have the clear impression that she judges me for my modest home and so on. I don't think I'm wrong about this. It's a small combination of things, like not posting our outings on social media like any other friend, and that only comes when it suits her.
At this point, I don't want to have a relationship with her because she appears to be superficial. If she comes, how should she wander politely? Or is it wrong to state what I feel is happening? – Not compatible in Texas
Dear Compatibility: You can think of it as there is no polite way to tell people that their values are misguided and superficial. This woman is unlikely to change them this late day. A polite way to decline is to tell her that you are not available. If she pushes you further, tell her you don't think you two are compatible.
PS Before you brush her off, find out your motivation to do this. She has more material things than you, so will you feel self-conscious about it? Just ask…
Dear Abby: I've been married for 17 years and have had ups and downs. Recently I realized that my husband doesn't want to travel with me anymore. He went on a week's holiday with my sisters right after I had my surgery and another week's trip to visit him and his nie and ne. When I told him about it, his excuses ranged from “it's too crowded” to “it's too much money.”
This morning I lowered my legs. I said I'd leave for a weekend trip and he can come with me or fall behind. He was upset. I have been working from home for a long time, but haven't taken a break for nearly a year. I'm starting to get tired of his attitude and reluctant to travel with me. Is it wrong to want a weekend away from home? – Leave the town
Dear birth: It's not my book. You deserve to know the reason for the change in your husband's attitude, but I don't think it has much to do with being too crowded. Are there any money issues you don't know about? If not, you and your husband will need one or two honest conversations about what is wrong. If he is not approaching soon, it may be time to call for the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you communicate better. In the meantime, I'll be on that trip.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
