Dear Abby: Concern for Friend’s Family

Dear Abby: My best friend “Pat” and I live far apart, and I’m really worried about her daughter and granddaughter, “Mandy.”

Pat’s stepson is verbally abusive, constantly degrading Pat’s daughter and telling Mandy that her mom is at fault. Mandy is just three years old, and she doesn’t react because she’s learned to be nice to her dad.

Pat’s daughter has made the choice to stay until Mandy is older, trying to protect her from confusion. I can’t help but think this is harmful for a child and that those negative memories could stick with her for life.

I’m also concerned that Pat’s stepson may eventually hurt Mandy physically. Should I try to talk Pat into encouraging her daughter to leave soon? Or should I just mind my own business? Pat seems determined to stick it out, but I’m fearful for them all. – Worried in the East

Dear Worried: It sounds like Pat’s stepson is engaging in parental alienation, and they haven’t divorced yet. Delaying the situation really doesn’t do Mandy any favors.

The impressionable age she’s at means that the dynamics could shape her outlook for years to come, unless she receives help. Your concern is completely valid.

Talk to Pat. Encourage her to stop being silent about this. Verbal abuse can escalate into physical harm quickly, and it’s time to set boundaries.

If necessary, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can be a resource for Pat or her daughter to create a safe escape plan. The number is 800-799-7233.

Dear Abby: Challenges with In-Laws

Dear Abby: My husband and I used to live close to his parents and siblings, which meant we spent a lot of time together. His sister was my best friend.

Then, for work, we had to move about four hours away. Since then, I feel more isolated. I would call weekly, visit often, and send gifts for holidays.

After about a year, we noticed we were always making the effort, so we decided to stop reaching out. It took over eight weeks for anyone to contact us.

His mother regularly calls the siblings who live further away, but not us. We visit a few times a year, but they’ve never taken the time to invite us back despite our offers. My husband is busy with work and it hurts him, too.

I now live near my own family, but I miss my friends and feel frustrated that his family doesn’t seem to care about us as much as others. What should I do? – Cast and Lonely

Dear Lonely: It sounds like you’re spending too much time dwelling on this. You can’t change how they behave.

Instead of focusing on your in-laws, redirect your energy toward building new friendships in your community.

Look ahead, find hobbies that excite you, and connect with like-minded individuals.