Dear AbbyMy boyfriend of 3 years recently proposed marriage to me. The problem is, he is the nephew of the man who dumped my great aunt at her wedding in the 1970s. My aunt dated his great uncle for financial reasons, and she admits it. She “baby-trapped” him, telling him he had to get married so he would stay with her. He agreed right up until the day, when he never showed up.
This was decades ago so it shouldn’t be important to the current situation and I barely know my great aunt. She didn’t even know her fiancé’s name until we mentioned our engagement and my future last name at a recent family reunion. She panicked and demanded that he leave her house. She told me not to marry him and that everyone in his family is the same.
I don’t really like my great aunt, but after this argument, her kids and siblings are threatening to shun me if I marry him. The wedding is in 5 months and I’m worried. Family is important to me and although I’m not close with her, I made it my mission as I grew up to get closer to her kids (my cousins) and relatives. I know she was very hurt by what happened to her, but I think her demands are outrageous. What should I do? Should I postpone the wedding? — Drama from the past to the present
To past dramas: Let me be clear: your aunt tried to trap a young man into marrying her by promising to bear his child. Did she give birth to the child and was it ever discovered who the father was? If her fiancée’s uncle found out he was being falsely accused and that your aunt not only did not love him but was after him for his money, who could blame him for running away? I certainly couldn’t.
The decision you have to make now is to break off your engagement with your fiance (who you know and love very well after 3 years) or give in to the emotional blackmail of your unethical aunt. I know what I would do. This could be your chance to “break the curse”.
Dear Abby: After a social event, I come home and think about what I said or didn’t say. Did I behave appropriately? I worry and keep going through this “review” in my head. It’s painful. A social event could be a lunch with a friend, a phone call, a party, etc. I’ve been doing this for years and it’s exhausting. Why do I do it? And more importantly, how can I stop? Replay in Arizona
Dear Replay: No state in the US allows diagnosis of illnesses, but as a “competent” layperson, I would say you seem to suffer from severe social anxiety. A licensed psychotherapist can help you relieve the obsessions that are tormenting you. Your doctor or your health insurance company can provide a referral.
Dear Readers,“As millions of Americans celebrate this Memorial Day, I join in offering prayers of thanks to the brave men and women who gave their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. — With love, Abby
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
