dear abby: I’m 20 years old and recently moved into an apartment with my 19-year-old sister. I thought it was a great idea, because we could see each other more often and it would be more comfortable living together than with strangers. But recently she got a new boyfriend who she always brings along.
I don’t like people. I don’t know why, but I feel threatened when he’s home, especially since he’s not doing anything. I accept that fact and try not to be mean to him because of it. The problem is that he comes during the day and his sister also sneaks out of her parents’ house at 2am so he can sleep here with her.
This happens almost every night and I’m usually awake listening to it. I told her sister that I didn’t like it and asked her not to do things like that when she was home, but she wouldn’t listen. She gets upset and gets defensive, and she tries to take away the blame by saying there’s nothing else she can do because I’m always home.
I go to work and school most days, but at night I have nowhere else to be but my bed. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to put up with it anymore, but I can’t decide if she’s making it worse like she says. I’m thinking of moving her out and finding her a new roommate, but I don’t want to upset her because I like seeing her. What should I do? — Troubled Sisters of Idaho
To my sister: Be honest: your idea of living with your sister was a failure. Your sister is immature and unwilling to compromise. If she wants a future with this boyfriend, she could encourage him to sneak out of her parents’ house and sleep with her, but when they find out, she won’t be loved by her and will eventually That will happen.
You won’t upset her if you calmly explain that your lifestyles are polar opposites and that you plan to find another place to live. Helping her find another roommate is generous and you shouldn’t offend her, but she should be responsible for it.
dear abby: My husband never wears his wedding ring. In fact, he only wears jewelry when he goes out. I have brought this to his attention many times over the years. Just recently, I noticed that he wears all his “going out jewelry” with a separate ring on his right ring finger. It’s as if he made a conscious choice to wear all the jewelry except for his wedding ring.
I’ve noticed this many times and wondered. His answer is always, “I can’t wear that for what I do for a living.” Abby, he works in an office during the day and drives a boat in his spare time. Please help clarify this. — I don’t understand it in New Jersey.
Dear people who don’t understand,: I’ll try. My guess is that this is happening because your husband doesn’t want to be easily recognized as married.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).