How to Do It is an advice column about relationships.Have a question? It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
Recently, my husband played a terrible prank on me. A few nights ago, while we were in bed, he asked me to check for a lump on his testicles.
He mentioned he thought he felt something unusual. A wave of panic hit me, and my heart raced, but I couldn’t find anything. He kept urging me to continue, and after about ten minutes, I told him I still didn’t sense anything, to which he responded, “Honey? Thanks a lot! That felt great!” and burst into laughter.
I was livid. Throughout the ordeal, I imagined our two kids growing up without their dad because I thought he might have cancer! I ended up sleeping in the guest room that night. The next morning, I informed him he wouldn’t be getting any for a month. He thinks I’m overreacting. Given what he did, I feel I’m being reasonable. What do you think?
—He Won’t Be Having a Ball for a While
Dear He Won’t Be Having a Ball for a While,
I completely understand your strong reaction. He not only scared you but also made you feel uncomfortable for quite some time. Spending the night in the guest room was a good move to emphasize your feelings. While a month without sex may seem excessive, if that’s how you think you can convey the message clearly, then it’s your decision. Perhaps use this time to reflect on why you’d be willing to sacrifice intimacy for that long.
What troubles me about using sex as a weapon is that it implies your husband values it much more than you do. If that’s the case, you might want to rethink the dynamics of your relationship. What’s lacking for you? How can those needs be met? Opening up this dialogue could be beneficial, especially if you’re assuming your sexual needs are somehow less important to him.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
I’m a 30-year-old gay man. After many exciting flings, I think my current boyfriend might be the one. He contrasts sharply with my previous partners—much more wholesome, and I genuinely appreciate that. The sex has been fantastic! We’ve been together for six months, and he recently brought me to meet his family during a trip to his home state. Things seemed perfect until his brother unexpectedly showed up.
