Dear Abby
We recently experienced the loss of our first grandchild. She was only 24 and it all happened so suddenly. My partner and I are trying to navigate our grief, but we’re in different places emotionally. He also deals with several mental health challenges, which complicates things even further. I feel like I have to support him through his struggles, but I’m also weighed down by this tragedy. We might seek counseling soon.
My concern stems from my decision, along with my daughter, to create a memorial gem. I selected a small raindrop pendant that will hold some of my granddaughter’s ashes. I mentioned this to my partner, anticipating he might need some notice since surprises don’t sit well with him. Now he’s worried that if I wear this necklace, it will be a constant reminder of our loss.
I genuinely want to keep my granddaughter close to my heart. The only option I see is wearing it only when he’s not around, but since he’s retired and I mostly work from home, he’s often nearby. I’m unsure of how to balance my desire to memorialize her while not upsetting him. Any advice would be appreciated. – I remember in Canada
Dear Remember: I’m truly sorry for your granddaughter’s untimely passing. You’re juggling a lot, and your partner’s mental health struggles add to that load. It’s understandable that you want to keep a piece of her close. Yet, if wearing the pendant causes him to withdraw, perhaps consider how that might impact his healing. I hope he receives the counseling he needs soon.
Dear Abby: I have serious trust issues with my husband. We’ve been together for six years, married for about three and a half. I recently discovered he texted his ex-girlfriend to wish her a “Happy Birthday.” When I confronted him, he claimed it’s something he does every year. I don’t see why that’s necessary; as far as I’m aware, they don’t communicate outside of this. He keeps old messages, so it’s clear there’s a history there.
He got upset with me, as usual, and couldn’t grasp my point of view. I also found out he consulted with a lawyer recently about how our belongings would be divided if we were to divorce. Should I be worried? Isn’t it inappropriate for him to text her? – Conflict in Maine
Dear Conflict: Your focus is misplaced. His birthday message to an ex-girlfriend is a distraction from the bigger issues at hand—like why he’s talking to a divorce attorney. I’m not sure about the emotional distance in your relationship, but from my perspective, you might benefit from seeking help from a marriage and family counselor.
