Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for less than a year and are currently pregnant with our first child. The birth of the baby was planned and we were very happy.
After entering the second trimester, my husband's behavior changed. Whenever I read something about pregnancy and tried to tell him about it, he immediately shut me down and told me I shouldn't believe everything I read or that it was a waste of time. He doesn't want anything in the children's room either. He keeps telling me that I don't have to do it until a month before my due date.
I try to be patient and understanding, but my friends take a step back from talking to me and I feel very isolated. The other day, during dinner with a friend, my husband belittled me. One of them said that getting pregnant is the most selfish thing a woman can do, and my husband agreed! I'm still hurt by that comment. The person apologized for saying that and further explained their position on the issue (everyone was drinking except me), but my husband has not apologized. He refused and said I was stupid to be so upset about it.
I'm confused here. We were planning on having this baby and thought it would bring us even closer. Right now I feel incredibly alone and sad. Why would someone say something so cruel and why would my husband not take my side and agree? — Expect more in New Jersey
To everyone who is looking forward to it: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for everyone involved, and emotions may run high. Your husband was initially enthusiastic about the idea of starting a family right away, but during this second trimester, he may have realized the reality of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. It's also possible that you were so excited about your pregnancy that it became the main topic of conversation, causing your friend to back off.
The comments, which were made on a night when the two were with friends, were likely fueled by excessive drinking and a lack of good judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he is jealous of how your body has been “incorporated” by the baby. As someone who doesn't know him, I don't understand why he keeps refusing to apologize.
I hope you feel less alone if you have an older, more experienced female friend or relative to guide you through this difficult time. Also, don't forget to schedule a doctor's appointment to make sure everything is going well.
Dear Abby: I was born deaf in my right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people closest to me, they still seem annoyed with me because I ask them to repeat what they said. It’s especially hard when they have their backs to me. Do you have any suggestions on how to control my anger? Yes, I do get upset because I am hearing impaired. — Listen as much as you can.
To all listeners: Reiterate to people that they need to speak within your “good” ear to control anger, and when sitting, make sure the person you want to have a conversation with is sitting to your left. This may reduce your stress as well.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
