Dear Abby: Relationships in Flux

Dear Abby: I’m 57 and have been married for 32 years. My husband retired last year, and I’m still working full-time. Since his retirement, he’s been going to the bar weekly and spending quite a bit of time with clients and staff.

One of the staff members—a young female bartender—seems keen on being close to him. He’s a bit of an extrovert and somewhat carefree. They’ve established a rapport on social media and even exchange text messages.

When I was planning a trip out of town, they concocted a plan for her to join us for cocktails with friends, keeping it hush-hush as they thought I might be upset. And, well, I was upset—and still am.

I’ve found additional messages and, honestly, my trust is shaken. While I doubt there’s anything physical happening, I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. I can’t help but wonder what may have been shared about me. How do I move on from this? – Suspicion in Washington

Dear Suspicious: The relationship your husband has with the bartender is definitely crossing a line. You might want to check with your workplace about any rules regarding staff interacting with regular customers. It’s understandable to feel distrustful; your husband’s activities seem, well, questionable. Consider marriage counseling—it could help both of you sort things out. Suggest he join you, but if he’s not open to it, don’t hesitate to go by yourself.

Another Dear Abby Letter

Dear Abby: I’ve had a personal trainer for a year now, and he just shared that he might be moving to Chicago soon. While I’m thrilled for his success, I can’t help but feel a bit heartbroken. I really admire him—we share a connection.

Every time I think about him leaving, it nearly brings me to tears. He’s been kind, supportive, and really funny. He once mentioned being drawn to me, which has added to my feelings. When he goes, it’s going to feel like something’s missing in my life.

I text him often, but I don’t want to come across as clingy. Should I express my feelings before it’s too late? Would that make me seem desperate? How can I gauge if he feels the same way without embarrassing myself? – Worked in Phoenix

Dear Work, It sounds like your trainer’s potential move is somewhat uncertain, but perhaps clearer communication could help here. I hope this doesn’t sound overly harsh, but if your feelings are fluctuating, it might be wise to talk decisively about them. It wouldn’t hurt to share your feelings—there’s no harm in being honest. Acknowledging your connection could mean a lot, and he might appreciate the sentiment.