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My husband’s disgusting porn addiction is a major turn off for me

Dear Abby: My husband watches porn. I hate it and hate it. I feel like if he has to see that it means I’m not good enough or sexy enough for him. I don’t believe his excuse that it’s none of your business. When I try to tell him how it feels, he gets exasperated and changes the conversation to something I don’t like in order to take the focus away from himself.

He doesn’t watch porn around me, but I think he does it often because there are always ads pop-up on his phone. He has even seen a notice suggesting he is affiliated with a website where he can chat with women, but he says he does not know why he would visit such a site. Are you a fool. I don’t know anyone else who has this kind of problem. I can’t have sex with him these days knowing something like this is happening. I have no intention of breaking up with him over this, but what should I do? — Power went out in Washington

Dear Power Out: Understand that your husband’s desire for porn has nothing to do with your level of attraction. everyIt has to do with his own appetite. Next, and just as importantly, ask for a referral to a licensed psychologist who can help you restore your damaged self-esteem. Your husband isn’t the only man who enjoys adult entertainment. (Some women do as well.) And many couples view it together as a form of erotica.

However, chat rooms are another matter. Perhaps your husband will explain this to you during a session with a therapist. Trying to explain how his actions affect you may be more effective than him being critical and accusatory. Of this I am sure. Refusing sex with her husband will not only not improve your relationship, but will even worsen it, so I do not recommend it.

Dear Abby: A 32-year-old only son and his wife are pregnant with their first child. They had been married for two and a half years and moved to Florida. He is our only child, so we followed him from Michigan and bought a house about 20 minutes from him. He told me he wanted me to be his primary babysitter after the baby was born, but after being here for a year, I recently got a new job that I really want. I don’t know what to do. He expects me to be his babysitter. I’m planning to give birth in a few months, what should I do? — Grandma in Florida

Dear future grandma: I’m concerned that you used the word “informed” instead of “asked.”Please tell your son and wife now I told her that I couldn’t accommodate a full-time babysitter and that I should start making other arrangements. If there is a time in your schedule that allows you to give yourself a break, outline when that will be. Probably every other weekend. Don’t feel guilty about doing more than you’re comfortable with. Otherwise, you might end up chaining your grandchild to a playpen until he’s ready for high school.

Happy New Year to all our Asian readers celebrating Lunar New Year. The Year of the Dragon, which begins today, is said to be the luckiest and most prosperous year, full of unprecedented opportunities. People born in the Year of the Dragon are creative, active listeners, and are great friends. They are ambitious, intelligent, and brave. Famous “dragons” include Bruce Lee, John Lennon, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and more. — Love, Abby

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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