Dear Abby: I have kids, grandkids, and even great-grandkids. I’m not sure if they think I’m a bit off, but it seems they expect me to fulfill their every need. A lot of them can be quite self-absorbed. They often borrow money from me, and sometimes I remind them it’s a loan, though maybe I should just consider it a gift. Once you give money away, it seems it’s hard to get it back.
My daughter “Marie” took a significant sum, agreeing to pay me back bit by bit. She did send some back, but when her next payment was due, she claimed the first was much larger than what it actually was. When I asked her about it, she insisted she had given me more.
I love my family dearly, but I won’t be taken advantage of. Marie hasn’t paid anything since, and our communication has ceased. When she tried to talk to me in front of my wife, my wife intervened, saying that Marie shouldn’t speak to me like that.
Now, Marie claims I’m blocking her from reaching out via email or text, which isn’t true—it’s actually me who did the blocking. It’s hard to wrap my head around how a grown child can treat their parents this way. I’m really hurt and struggling to move past this. What are your thoughts? — Old Man of the Mountain
Dear Old Man: I can see why you’re feeling hurt. Your daughter seems to believe she has a right to act this way, which is just disrespectful. You’ve shown her kindness, yet she hasn’t honored your trust with the money you lent her and has verbally lashed out at you. Hopefully, your other children will handle things differently. However, I think blocking communication with Marie might not be the best move; she could want to apologize down the line, and by blocking her, you might be closing that door.
Dear Abby: My wife, after 10 years together, has asked for a separation and plans to file for divorce. She feels that since our kids were born (they’re 2 and 4), I’ve slowly diminished my own self-worth.
Over the last couple of months since we first talked about this, I’ve started therapy, taking antidepressants, and joining empathy groups for men. I’ve come to recognize the pain that untreated depression has caused, and I’m focused on improving myself and saving our marriage.
Just last year, I supported her through a serious bout of depression, and now she wants out. I still have love for her, but she’s made it clear she cares for me but doesn’t love me anymore. I’m trying to create a healing environment for her. What should I do next? — Disappointed Husband in Maine
Dear Husband: Consider asking your wife if she’d be open to couples counseling with a qualified therapist. It’s important to remember there are children involved. Even if counseling doesn’t salvage your marriage, it could help both of you navigate the divorce more smoothly. Who knows? It might even improve your relationship for the future.
