Dear Abby: Personal Struggles and Communication

Dear Abby: I recently spent a long time caring for my mother in hospice. I held her hand as she took her last breath.

I shared her decision to enter hospice with family and friends. They were all aware that her passing was close.

Since she was the last of her siblings, I had the responsibility of organizing her funeral. Everyone, including my friends, wanted me to keep them updated on the details of the service.

However, once I posted the funeral information, excuses started rolling in.

After my mom’s service, I reflected on all the bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, graduations, and other events I had attended over the years, including various fundraisers where I’d bought Girl Scout cookies.

But during this really tough time, I found myself alone. It made me realize that I might not have true friends or supportive family.

I feel a mix of abandonment and anger, and I want to express my feelings to those people. What do you think? – Devastation in Denver

Dear Devastation: I’m truly sorry for the loss of your mother. Your feelings are completely valid, and it’s understandable to feel this way now.

If you want to share your feelings, then do so—but try to avoid letting anger dictate your words. Perhaps it would be best to address each person individually and express how their absence affected you during such a difficult time.

They need to hear this, and you need to let it out.

Another Concern

Dear Abby: My son-in-law, “Samuel,” is someone I admire greatly. He’s a wonderful partner to my daughter and a fantastic father to my grandson.

That said, he tends to jump from topic to topic and talks excessively, even when it’s clear that people want to change the subject or leave.

He acts like an expert on everything and usually speaks with a lot of confidence. Samuel has a background of abuse, but our family has shown him love and support over the years. I feel conflicted about whether, or how, to address his habit of over-talking, especially since it might impact his future.

He’s very bright, yet I worry that if I were an employer, I might overlook him because of this trait. It saddens me since he’s such a hardworking young man.

Should I discuss this with him privately? I know it might sound trivial, but it weighs heavily on my mind. I’d appreciate an outside perspective. – A wise stepmother

Dear Wise Stepmother: My instinct is to say that confronting him directly might not be the best approach.

Instead, consider discussing your concerns with your daughter. She might be able to address it with Samuel in a more tactful way.