Dear Abby

Two years ago, my mother arranged an international trip for our entire family in October. A year later, my sister reached out, asking if I could “take care of a few things” for her. When I agreed and questioned why, she let me know that she and our parents were planning to go on that trip four months earlier than originally stated. I was stunned.

No one had mentioned that the departure date had moved up. My other sister was under the impression we were still going in October. When I brought this up to my mother, she got defensive, insisting that we were all invited. But that wasn’t the case! The plan had changed, and it included just one sister and her family.

Now, they’re on the trip, and I feel completely excluded. They’ve been sharing photos in our family group chat, and I’ve chosen not to look at them. I’m at a loss for how to move forward. I’m feeling both sad and annoyed, while they seem to act like everything is perfectly fine. – Remained in Colorado

Dear Left

When your mother and sister return from their trip, a frank conversation is essential. You need to address what went wrong, why you were left out, and why they didn’t feel the need to tell you. It’s important not to sugarcoat what happened. If this isn’t resolved, the consequences could linger for a long time.

Dear Abby

My son is a wonderful husband, father, and son. He coaches my 12-year-old grandson in various sports and often acts as a supportive audience. However, he tends to blame his son for his performance, even yelling at him during games. Sometimes he raises his voice in front of others, which I find troubling.

I’ve told him it’s fine to give constructive feedback, but I think yelling is unnecessary. Each time he reacts this way, it crushes my grandson’s spirit. My daughter-in-law feels just as lost about how to change his approach.

My husband used to coach my son when he was younger, and he struggled with similar issues. I love my family dearly, but I’m unsure about how to handle this. Abby, what do you recommend? – New Jersey “heartache” grandma

Dear Grandma

Your son might be a loving husband, but his approach to coaching needs some work. Someone should gently remind him that berating a child for their athletic performance rarely leads to positive outcomes. It could cause your grandson to lose interest in sports and damage his self-esteem, with potential long-lasting effects.

Don’t be surprised if your grandson quits sports after receiving enough verbal criticism. Your son could have learned some lessons from the difficult experiences his own father provided about how this “coaching” style doesn’t typically have the desired effect. He should channel his frustrations elsewhere.