Dear Abby:
Since childhood, my mother has viewed me as insightful and smart. She often shares family troubles, church conflicts, and workplace issues with me. But, Abby, I don’t want to be her sounding board. Am I meant to always hear her endless concerns? She often jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst about others. I get that it’s her way of protecting herself, but honestly, it’s draining to listen and offer advice when I know nothing will really change.
The hardest part? I can’t share my own feelings with her. She doesn’t grasp my perspective, nor do I think she’s made much effort to. Our relationship feels quite one-sided, and sometimes I wonder if I’m the one acting like the parent. She doesn’t confide in anyone else and refuses to seek professional help. As a high school senior with plans for college, I don’t want to leave her in this state. How can I assist her? – Iowa’s Concerned Child
Dear Concerned Child:
Your best shot at helping your emotionally reliant mother is to start by focusing on yourself. Begin planning your college journey and create some distance between you and her.
When she opens up about her issues again— it sounds like that’s a regular thing— remind her that she should confide in people with more experience than you. While that may not be what she wants to hear, don’t let her guilt you into feeling bad.
Gently let her know that her problems are too much for you to handle and that discussing them doesn’t do her any favors. Suggest she speak to a licensed mental health professional. It might just be the best way for her to find the help she needs.
Dear Abby:
I have a disagreement with my fiancé. “Fran” was a widow for nearly six years, and I divorced my ex-wife after 34 years, during which we had two sons. Fran has her own kids and lives close by. We’ve been together for four years, with each of us having our own place less than two miles apart.
The problem is about two portraits of her late husband that hang in her home. I’ve asked her to take them down, but she refuses. To make a point, I hung my wedding photos with my ex. When Fran saw them, she reacted strongly and asked me to lower them. I told her no since she won’t remove her portraits. Do you have any advice? – Frustrated in Florida
Dear Frustrated:
It’s time to grow up. Fran’s late husband is not a threat to your relationship. He’s part of her past, and if you can’t accept it, you need to confront your own feelings. Hanging up photos from a marriage that ended 34 years ago seems a bit petty. If those wedding photos really bring you joy, feel free to display them. But let’s be honest; is that why you put them up in the first place?
