Dear Abby: I recently married the love of my life, “John.” I am very close to her mother-in-law “Sarah”. She and my father-in-law are retired and financially well off. For each special occasion, John and I carefully selected gifts for his parents, going the extra mile to ensure the gifts conveyed our love and appreciation for them.
The problem is that Sarah literally gifts us with garbage. Several times, I have received broken items in random boxes, items with missing parts, and used items such as kitchen and cooking utensils. This happens every holiday. She also gifted our kids with used toys and clothes, most of which were already out of stock or too small.
After talking with other family members, we discovered that Sarah had been gifting junk items for years, but her family had never told her about the problem for fear of upsetting her. did. Her sister-in-law witnessed Sarah digging up her items from the basement of her home and wrapping them as presents for her, she said.
Abby, this left a bad taste in my mouth and made me feel a little resentful towards Sarah. I think her behavior is rude and in bad taste. I don’t want to hurt her, but I want her to stop acting like this. How do I tell Sarah that I want her to stop giving me junk gifts? — Resurrected in North Carolina
Dear gift: Before the next gift-giving occasion comes, do it in plain English, with your husband present. If you have used items you want to get rid of, tell them they should donate them to your favorite charity thrift store. Then tell them you don’t need anything and that in the future you’d like them to give you a nice card, preferably one that hasn’t been recycled.
Dear Abby: Many years ago, after graduating from high school, I spent a semester abroad, where I met and fell head over heels in love with another American student who was in the same program. We dated on and off for several years and remained close friends. Even after I married someone else, we wrote frequently and traveled together from time to time. He and my husband were close. He then met the woman who would eventually become his wife, but she preferred that we not maintain a friendship. He and I haven’t talked in at least 15 years.
Recently, one of my teachers who had spent a semester abroad retired and handed over a bunch of photos, including some from a program I was a part of. I would like to digitize the image and share it with an old friend. I sent an email to his latest address and got no reply. Now I don’t know if it’s because it’s the wrong email address or because he’s not interested in starting a conversation with me. A quick, non-stalking web search of him didn’t immediately turn up the second address.
Is it worth trying again? I’m sure you can contact them through your family, but do you think it’s better to leave them alone? I know deep down that you’re using the photo as an excuse to reach out, but I don’t mean it maliciously. — East’s right decision
Dear Right Decision: I vote no. Regardless of whether you are trying to contact this man for nefarious reasons, his wife will probably be upset about it as a result. Leave her alone.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
