Advice Column
Dear Abby: I have a female friend named Kiren. My fiancé, “Josh,” goes there to do work for her and charges $60. She hasn’t been invited to our house for the last two weeks. Kiren knows Josh’s work schedule and makes sure to see him daily at a nearby bar around 4 PM. The other day, I went to the bar with Josh, and, well, she was there waiting for him. I felt pretty upset about it since I hadn’t been looking at Josh much because of his work commitments.
Do you think she might be stalking Josh? Whenever we’re all together, she hardly talks to me. Most of her conversation is directed at him. I’ve always felt you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure. Maybe she’s stalking him. It seems like she doesn’t have many friends and might even be jealous of me. What’s your take on this? – Suspicious in Indiana
Dear Suspicious: I think Kiren is more likely “chasing” Josh than stalking him. Have you talked to Josh about how he feels? Is he flattered? Is there any attraction there? It might be a good idea to mention how inappropriate it is for her not to come by your house. While your friend might be envious, I think it’s more up to Josh to put a stop to this dynamic.
Dear Abby: My husband recently lost his job due to a reorganization. He’s understandably upset and seems to sink deeper into depression with every rejection letter he gets for positions he’s applied for. How can I support him? – Concerned wife in Ohio
Dear Wife: The best support you can provide is to avoid putting pressure on him during this tough time. If he hasn’t yet applied for unemployment benefits, gently remind him he’s entitled to that. If there aren’t openings in his field, suggest he might consider using his skills in a different area or reaching out to a temporary employment agency. Be there for him as a listener, but don’t pressure him for details. If he doesn’t find a job in the next six months, you might need to think about starting a job yourself to ease some of the financial stress.
Dear Abby: I’ve worked with the same group of six women and three men for 19 years. Each birthday, we celebrate with lunch, small office parties, cake, ice cream, and gifts in the $50 range. Everyone gets this except me.
It really hurts my feelings, but I’ve never mentioned my exclusion, and nobody seems to notice I’m left out. At a restaurant where my husband took me for my birthday, I tried to hint that I was part of the staff too, but no one picked up on that. Should I keep celebrating everyone else’s special days quietly, or should I say something like, “Hey! I’m here too!” – Feeling Invisible
Dear Invisible: As the saying goes, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Could it be that your birthday was simply overlooked? It might be worth speaking up about this before you decide to leave.
