Dear Abby: My sister has been dealing with serious mental health challenges, and her boyfriend, who has been with her for six and a half years, is struggling too. She’s convinced that everyone who stayed in touch with her is involved in trafficking her throughout her childhood. It’s perplexing—growing up on a farm, we were safe and privileged, but she experienced some significant trauma in our late teens, and now we’re both in our mid-40s. She flat out refuses treatment, insisting there’s nothing wrong with her.
Our family, except for her three adult children, has kept a distance. We love her, but every time we try to help, she twists our intentions into delusional narratives. She’s always been a handful, and after I got into a relationship, things started to decline further.
Neither she nor her boyfriend can work, and now she’s trying to deal with her issues, while he seems like he’s already given up. They’re just barely getting by. Abby, it’s painful to witness her like this. I know medicine could help, but she just refuses it. What can we do? – Losing hope in Illinois
Losing dear hope: Medication could indeed help, but your sister has to be open to it first. Since she isn’t, you might want to look into getting a social worker involved. If there’s a Department of Mental Health in your sister’s county, reaching out to them could be a good step in seeking support for her.
Dear Abby: I’m facing something that feels both trivial and deeply painful. I’ve developed strong feelings—maybe “limerence”—for a man I know, and honestly, no one else seems to measure up. I’ve tried dating through an app, looking at younger and older guys, some that are traditionally attractive, but nothing clicks. It’s frustrating. I keep asking myself why I can’t seem to lower my standards. Logically, I know he’s not the only person out there, yet finding someone else appealing feels impossible.
Am I broken? Am I just too set in my ways? Am I missing out on a potentially great person if they don’t give me butterflies? I understand I shouldn’t wait around for this one man, but it’s hard to open up to others when I feel repulsed by them. How do I escape this mental situation? I’m 30 and feel like I need clarity on all of this. – I feel trapped in my head and heart
Dear Stack: The strong feelings you have for this man don’t necessarily lead to a lasting relationship. You didn’t mention if he has any feelings for you or even if he knows you well.
At 30, you might be getting to an age where waiting for someone who may never come isn’t the best path. To break out of what you describe as “mental traps,” consider focusing on other aspects of your life. Putting your romantic fantasies on hold could lead you to meet some really amazing people and form substantial connections.
