Dear Abby: My elderly father recently passed away. He had been suffering from various illnesses, including heart disease, and his death was unexpected. He had spent many years of his life trying to save his younger sister, who was addicted to drugs and turned to crime. She had periods of sobriety, but always returned to her vices.
Three days before he died, my dad was trying to help my mom again after someone she knew stole her car. While he was driving her, she became enraged (again) and punched him multiple times while she begged him (over the phone) to stop. My dad died a few days later. It may not have been from the violence, but his body was just screaming, “enough is enough!”
My sister is now obsessed with my mother just like my father was and I don’t know what to do. I want my mother to remove my sister from her life before it happens again but she says “she’s still my daughter”. Please give me some advice. New Jersey’s Better Brother
Dear Brother: Your sister teeth Your sister is your mother’s daughter, just as she was your father’s daughter. Point out to your mom that your father has tried for years to rescue her, but her behavior has never improved. When we love someone, our instinct is to rescue them. Unfortunately, as your sister’s addiction problems prove, that rarely works.
Find a Nar-Anon chapter in your area and invite your mother to attend a few meetings. It’s a 12-step program for family and friends of addicts. Information can be found at nar-anon.org. Doing so could save not only your sister’s life, but your mother’s too.
Dear Abby: I was married for 25 years before we got divorced. We had 3 children. I begged my ex-husband to be a better father but I knew he probably couldn’t. Now he has no contact with the kids or anyone. He has alienated them for various reasons and his new wife is also causing some problems.
Recently, my youngest daughter (36) gave birth to my first granddaughter. She had a very difficult pregnancy and nearly died. 4-5 weeks after giving birth, she developed a large blood clot in her leg and nearly died again.
I think her father should be informed by letter, but all the children insist that they want nothing to do with their father. He has the daughters’ phone numbers but not the son’s, so he cannot call them. The father once said that he does not have children, they are mine. What do you think? Disappointment in Minnesota
Unfortunately: I think you should stay out of this. If your ex-husband wanted to be involved with the children he would have been there for them. The children are adults now. They can decide how they want to live their lives without any help from you. Frankly, I have a strong feeling that involving the father now will only bring even more pain than he has already caused.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and launched by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
